More Shocking Things Modern Family Could Make Lily Do Than Say Fuck


So a bunch of anti-cursing folks are real gosh-darned P.O.’d that Lily’s gonna be using the F-word on tonight’s episode of Modern Family (bleeped out, of course. This isn’t Showtime). As a longtime supporter of Lily’s darker side, I embrace this development. After all, there are a lot of worse things the writers could make her do on-air. Like…

- light Stella on fire

- steal all the characters’ cell phones and hoard them under her bed, only taking them out late at night to arrange them in a glowing circle around her as she conducts Wiccan ritual chants

- secretly follow Luke around everywhere, intermittently moaning things about Vietnam, and convince him that he is being haunted by the evil ghost of his 84-year-old video game buddy

- stare down the camera as it very slowly zooms in on her face during an end-of-episode montage and mouth the words “you’re next”