Vulture really cannot improve on the Facebook post "Special Report: Attacked by a Sea Lion," written by Shakira herself, so let us go ahead and direct you to the source material. "This afternoon I happened to see some sea lions and seals." (Shakira was on vacation in Cape Town, South Africa.) "I thought to myself how cute they were so I decided to get a bit closer than all of the other tourists and went down to a rock trying to pet them doing a baby talk while taking pictures ... Suddenly, one of them jumped out of the water so fast and impetuously that it got about one foot away from me, looked me in the eye, roared in fury and tried to bite me. Everyone there screamed, including me. I was paralyzed by fear and couldn't move, I just kept eye contact with it while my brother 'Super Tony' jumped over me and literally saved my life, taking me away from the beast." Shakira goes on to hypothesize that the sea lion confused her BlackBerry with a fish. She posted photos of the bite, too, and then she made friends with some penguins. (See above.) Happy ending!
Most Watched on Vulture
Most Viewed Stories
Is Time a Problem for Game of Thrones?
Whatever Happened to Benjen Stark on Game of Thrones?
How to Tell Dany’s Dragons Apart on Game of Thrones
Game of Thrones Recap: Dragon Ex Machina
Everything to Know About the Night King, White Walkers, and Wights
Why Are So Many Late-Night Talk Shows Taking the Rest of the Summer Off?
Our 16 Biggest Questions About This Week’s Game of Thrones
An Ode to Daenerys Targaryen’s Amazing Coat on Game of Thrones
Darren Aronofsky Doesn’t Want You to Know Anything About Mother!
The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Grandmother of the Year
Latest News from VultureWe Hate to Break It to You, But Michael K. Williams Was Just Cut From the Han Solo Star Wars Spinoff
He was going to play a half-human, half-animal character.Billy Joel Silently Protested Nazis by Wearing the Star of David Onstage at Madison Square Garden
A quiet response to the surge of white-nationalist activity across the country.How James Gunn Shot Guardians of the Galaxy 2’s Escape From the Elector
▶️ James Gunn reveals the hardest scene to shoot in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.The Village Voice Is Ending Its Weekly Print Edition
The New York staple will continue to publish online.The Defenders Recap: Black Sky Rising
“Ashes, Ashes” serves up the show’s most dramatic cliff-hanger yet.Behind the Rise of RuPaul’s Drag Race
“I remember thinking, from this moment on, my life will be very different.”Your Guide to All of the Bands in Twin Peaks
The old Roadhouse is a musical epicenter.11 Things We Learned About Stranger Things Season Two Hanging With the Kids
Eleven may be slightly less obsessed with Eggos.Bill Cosby’s Sexual-Assault Retrial Has Been Delayed Until 2018
The retrial has been postponed from November 6 to sometime next spring.Could Justin Bieber’s Manager Scooter Braun Run for California Governor?
Justin Bieber’s manager is said to have the support of some California Democratic fund-raisers.
A look back at the life and work of a man who was monstrous — and brilliant.Amy Schumer Negotiated for More Money for Her Netflix Special to Match Dave Chappelle’s and Chris Rock’s Deals
Schumer was initially paid $11 million compared to Rock and Chappelle’s $20 million.Game of Thrones Director on the One Battle Scene He Improvised
“There’s a plot point next week that’s the biggest one yet.”67 Movies to See This Fall
Pitch Perfect 3, Justice League, The Last Jedi, and more.Darren Aronofsky Doesn’t Want You to Know Anything About Mother!
“Most people, after they see the film, they don’t even wanna look at me.”Before We All Move On, The Daily Show Brings You President Trump Staring Straight at the Eclipse One Last Time
He’s just doing what we were all thinking.A New Accuser Alleges R. Kelly Paid Her to Conceal Their Sexual Relationship Which Began When She Was a Minor
Jerhonda Pace tells BuzzFeed News’ Jim DeRogatis that she is violating a nondisclosure agreement to publicly discuss the singer.The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Grandmother of the Year
I am not here for this.Preacher Recap: Good Lord
Jesse learns that Jesus Christ has a dirty secret.LCD Soundsystem Did Not, in Fact, Break Up to Sell Out Madison Square Garden, Guitarist Al Doyle Explains
“No; the motivation was to make the show something incredible, something singular, strange and unrepeatable. Which it remains, I think.”