Vulture really cannot improve on the Facebook post "Special Report: Attacked by a Sea Lion," written by Shakira herself, so let us go ahead and direct you to the source material. "This afternoon I happened to see some sea lions and seals." (Shakira was on vacation in Cape Town, South Africa.) "I thought to myself how cute they were so I decided to get a bit closer than all of the other tourists and went down to a rock trying to pet them doing a baby talk while taking pictures ... Suddenly, one of them jumped out of the water so fast and impetuously that it got about one foot away from me, looked me in the eye, roared in fury and tried to bite me. Everyone there screamed, including me. I was paralyzed by fear and couldn't move, I just kept eye contact with it while my brother 'Super Tony' jumped over me and literally saved my life, taking me away from the beast." Shakira goes on to hypothesize that the sea lion confused her BlackBerry with a fish. She posted photos of the bite, too, and then she made friends with some penguins. (See above.) Happy ending!
Trending Video on Vulture
Most Watched on Vulture
Most Viewed Stories
Will & Grace, and Jack & Karen, Are Back With a New Scene About the 2016 Election
Every Current Suspect for ‘A’ on Pretty Little Liars, Ranked by Plausibility
Glenn Frey Bronze Statue Is Taking It Easy, Standing on the Corner in Winslow, Arizona
The Big Bang Theory Recap: Miniature Concerns
Leslie Jones Live-Tweeted the Presidential Debate: ‘It’s Like a Nightmare!!’
Let Seth Meyers Give You the Play-by-Play of the First 2016 Presidential Debate
Porn! Murder! James Franco! Watch the Exclusive King Cobra Trailer
How Narcos Filmed Pablo Escobar’s Death
The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Separation Anxiety
Vulture Asks: Which TV Couple Do You Anti-Ship?
Latest News from VultureYou Can Get Some Satisfaction Watching the Trailer for the Rolling Stones’ Havana Moon
Forget shelter, gimme this trailer.We Asked Grace Helbig, Hannah Hart, and Mamrie Hart About the Secret to Writing Accurate Female Roles for Dirty 30
The YouTube stars told us about their relatable characters in the new film Dirty 30.Danny Brown’s New Album Atrocity Exhibition Is Streaming Three Days Early
Really doe.8 Best New Songs of the Week
All the bands you loved ten years ago are back! And so is Scarlett Johansson.Malick Siren! Reclusive Director to Make Rare Public Appearance Next Month
He's hosting a screening of Roberto Rossellini's Journey to Italy.The Strain Will End After One More Season of Deeply Disturbing Posters for The Strain
The final season will air in summer 2017.Viola Davis Will Level Up From Stealing Scenes to Stealing Things in a Steve McQueen Heist Movie
Based on the 1983 TV mini-series.Olivier Assayas Correctly Calls Kristen Stewart the ‘Best Actress of Her Generation’
Stewart starred in Assayas's Clouds of Sils Maria and Personal Shopper.Vulture Asks: Which TV Couple Do You Anti-Ship?
From Stranger Things to Scooby-Doo.Every Day, Once a Day, Give Yourself a Present, and Today That Present Is John Malkovich Impersonating Twin Peaks’ Dale Cooper
"Diane, never drink coffee that has been anywhere near a fish."
All signs point to yes, for reasons that involve quality, but other factors, too.Mac Miller Visits Our Office to Discuss The Divine Feminine and What He Learned From Pharrell
"Me, I like to build a planet. Every project is its own planet."Allison Janney Transforms Herself Into a Clown for a Music Video, Might Just Save the Concept of Clowns Yet
The only good clown we have.The Best TV Couple of the Past 30 Years, Round One: Homer and Marge vs. Don and Betty
The Drapers and the Simpsons aren’t as wholly unalike as you might first imagine.Jeffrey Tambor Told Us What Garry Shandling Taught Him About Comedy
The passing of the comedy torch.Justin Timberlake’s Netflix Concert Film Gets Its First Dance-tastic Trailer
Say yeeeaaaahhhh!The Fight Over Prince’s Estate Continues to Be a Purple-Tinged Nightmare
It's more convoluted than ever, so let's break down the players and stakes.Bob Dylan Is Releasing a 36-Disc Set of 1966 Live Albums to Go Immediately on Your Christmas List
An early present: a rare recording of "Tell Me, Momma."Patton Oswalt Discusses Losing His Wife Michelle McNamara: ‘My ’80s Sitcom Sucks. There’s No Punch Lines.’
"I was a different, better person having met her."Cheap Novelties Is a Time Warp Back to a Faded Idea of New York City
It's a much-needed collection of Ben Katchor's early New York Press comics.