The perfect 2-Bedroom* apartment is now available in that hip neighborhood, next to that bridge, that allll your friends just moved to!!!
Only $ 1000 $ More than it should be!!!
Exposed brick & A (non-working) fireplace that could easily fit a record player!!! Or – Trader Joe’s wine rack!!!
STEPzz from the subway that you and all the other “new media consultants” take to ur loft-style offices by that other bridge!!!
You won’t be the only iPad!!!!
Down the street?? Oh, just an unmarked prohibition-style cocktail lounge, a “dive-bar” style dive-bar w/ rotating local beer list, AND a farm-2-table Portuguese Tapas spot in the basement of a comic book store!!!
Hunter S. Thompson would live here!!!**
A lot of People got murdered around here two years ago — but that was TWO YEARS AGO!!
Mom & Dad can now write “Kick-ass Pad!” in the memo section of your rent checks!
Common Room space for - band practice, improv practice, puppetry practice, underage drinking, whatever!
Neighborhood is just ethnic enough!!! Has the food but NOT the people!!!
COMMUNAL LIBRARY w/ ALL David Foster Wallace Bookz
BIKE & RAZOR SCOOTER STORAGE
ADOPTED CATS are OK
ADOPTED PIT BULLS are OK
all other pets – NOT Kool
*Technically a studio
** Probably not
*** Except for my 2-months rent fee
(Legal Notice: Landlord is ex-con… for INTERNET PIRACY!!!)
Illustration by Stephen Winchell.
The Humor Section features a piece of original humor writing each week. To submit to it, send an email to Becca O’Neal.