Tomorrow night, Lindsay Lohan returns to host Saturday Night Live for her fourth time. Her first appearance was on May 1, 2004, one month after the premiere of Mean Girls (she was only seventeen years old), and she most recently hosted on April 15, 2006 to promote A Prairie Home Companion. Since then, she’s become somewhat of a paparazzi dream story thanks to her high-speed car chases, jewelry theft, hardcore partying, stints in rehab, and steady flow of court appearances (including one where she sported the infamous “FUCK U” manicure). Will tomorrow’s episode be just another trademark Lohan trainwreck, or can we hope for a glorious comeback thanks to the magic of comedy? Here are eight of Lindsay’s most memorable past SNL sketches from back before all the trouble began.
In 2005, Lindsay appeared on Weekend Update as Tina and Amy’s mentee from the Teen Mentoring Program of America. The Update ladies tell Lindsay they’re worried about her, citing her partying, revealing clothing, and “Mischa Barton arms.”
Spoofing the T.A.T.U. fad, Lohan and Rachel Dratch play Russian fake lesbian singing duo D.A.D.I. on Eurovizion’s hottest dance music show Club Traxx.
In the first Kaitlin (“Rick Rick Rick!”) sketch with Amy Poehler, Kaitlin invites Becky – the rich, gossipy, and “most popular girl in school” – to her house for a sleepover under false pretenses.
Neutrogena Coin Slot Cream
This Neutrogena commercial parody for “Coin Slot Cream” is pretty self-explanatory – it’s a moisturizer for your butt crack, promoted by Lindsay with the help of Kristen Wiig.
In this sketch, the Harry Potter gang reunites after summer vacation only to discover that Hermione has certainly grown during their time apart.
After Miley Cyrus hosted SNL last year, Lindsay fired off an angry email to Lorne Michaels after seeing Cyrus’ scathing impression of her both in her opening monologue song (“I never stole a necklace or got a DUI”) and in the “Duh! Winning! With Charlie Sheen” sketch – a bit hypocritical considering Lindsay played an overly ditzy Jessica Simpson back in 2005.
Debbie Downer at Disney World
Lohan appeared in the very first Debbie Downer sketch at Disney World, which set the bar for what makes a successful Debbie Downer: a hilarious domino effect of cast members breaking until even Dratch can’t keep it together. The line “By the way, it’s official – I can’t have children” has never been funnier.
It’s beyond tragic that Lohan’s opening monologue from 2005 is nowhere to be found online considering how prophetic it would become. Amy Poehler plays “The Ghost of Lindsay Future” AKA Lindsay in the year 2007, who comes back to warn 2005 Lindsay that if she doesn’t slow down her hard-partying ways she’ll end up married to Tommy Lee and working as the host of a Cinemax show called Night Passions. Even though there’s no video to share, you can still read the entire transcript here.
Megh Wright misses Harrisburg, lives in Brooklyn, and answers phones in Manhattan.