The past month has seen some notable romantic developments for two of television's most desperate bachelors not named Ben. Tom Haverford, the lovably cheesy single gentleman on Parks and Recreation, has finally managed to lock down the begrudging affections of one Ann Perkins. Meanwhile, New Girl's lovably cheesy single man Schmidt has more or less won exclusive rights to CeCe's nighttime activities — or, at least, the right to proclaim that he is sleeping with her, if only to a room full of strangers. For two guys who spend most of their time discussing hair products and making up cutesy nicknames, these are major victories. In fact, it's still a little astounding that two guys with such a grating, cribbed-from–The Game pickup style have actually found themselves in relationships with functional adult women. But apparently, this douchebag-with-a-heart-of-gold game works. So below, a quick primer on how to woo the ladies, Tom-and-Schmidt-style. Use with caution.
Most Viewed Stories
Movies Need to Stop Explaining Everything (Looking at You, The Walk)
Marc Maron Will Finally Ask Lorne Michaels WTF Happened With His SNL Audition
Meryl Streep’s T-Shirt Promoting Suffragette Is Unfortunate
The One Podcast to Start With, Across 24 Topics
The Story Behind Jason Segel’s Dracula Puppet Musical
Julianna Margulies Insists There’s No Feud Between Her and Archie Panjabi; Archie Panjabi May Disagree
Report: Cathriona White Was Married When She Died
Watch Peggy Hill Sing Nicki Minaj’s ‘Hey Mama’
Stephenie Meyer Rewrote Twilight With Edward and Bella’s Genders Flipped
8 Books You Need to Read This October
Latest News from VultureTheater Review: Trying to Make Pinter's Old Times New Again
"Each person’s past is its own story, and the stories don’t match."Model Files New Lawsuit Against Bill Cosby
She's seeking $75,000 in damages from Bill Cosby in a jury trial.Steve Rannazzisi Tried to Explain His 9/11 Lie to Howard Stern
"Now I have to be the guy who is very strange and weird and just said I lied about 9/11."9 Best New Songs of the Week
Selena and Janet are at their best in years.Cate Blanchett on Truth, Quentin Tarantino, and Her Very Big Year
"He’s entitled to his opinion."The Streaming Revolution Is Here. But Has It Just Brought Us More of the Same TV?
Casual is more TV. It's occasionally good TV. But it is the same TV we've seen before.The CW Originally Pitched Ashley Olsen As Blair for Gossip Girl
Oh, what could have been!Here Are The X-Files’ New Opening Credits
You might recognize them.Tom Hiddleston Explains Why Loki Wasn’t in Avengers: Age of Ultron
"It was actually imbalancing people's expectations."Someone Finally Mashed Up Kanye With Weezer and Made Yeezer
This was inevitable.
"I'm the one who types."Why Jane Austen Gets Scandal, and 9 Other Perfect Literature-TV Pairings
Like good food and fine wine.Gwyneth Paltrow Wants Women in Hollywood to Make As Much As Robert Downey Jr. Does
"If men are being paid a lot more for doing the same thing, it feels shitty."The Best of Netflix’s ‘Featuring a Strong Female Lead’ Categories
Oh, look, Hollywood representation for women!Grace Jones ‘Just Couldn’t Find’ Lady Gaga’s Soul
"Gaga came to me, and I just could not find a soul."Ashley Judd Says She Was Sexually Harassed by a ‘Famous’ Studio Head
The studio head asked her to watch him shower.Are You This Woman? If So, Tom Hanks Has Your Student ID
Good news, Lauren.New Hunger Games: Mockingjay — Part 2 Trailer: So Many Drums!
It's going down.Peter Sarsgaard Will Lend His Natural Creepiness to Twin Peaks
In a mystery role!Visiting the Studio of Adrian Tomine, Award-Winning Cartoonist and Author of Killing and Dying
Behind the scenes of his new anthology.