British import and Vulture favorite Cheryl Cole did not exactly conquer Hollywood on her first attempt — as in, she got fired from the U.S. X Factor before the show even finished auditions. Then she spent a few months sneaking around with Derek Hough before shipping back to England and hanging around with her shady former husband. Not ideal, as these things go. But Cheryl will not be defeated! And so here is Phase Two of her attack on Los Angeles, which involves a Calvin Harris Single, some floral harem pants (harem pants: very big this week), ten-second re-creations of The Hills and Drive, and a prominently featured ass-to-back-thigh tattoo. There’s also that dance move where you smash your arms up and down like an angry trash compactor, and the one where you bounce back and forth like you’re about to scoop up a ground ball. “Call My Name,” everyone! Take it all in.
