Everybody Panic! Teenagers Are ‘Only’ Watching 100 Hours of TV per Month

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“In the fourth quarter of 2011, those teenagers (viewers ages 12 to 17) watched an average of 100 hours of TV each month, down from 105 hours in the same period in 2010, or, to be precise, 5 hours and 7 minutes less.”

That’s Brian Stelter in the Times talking about how TV viewing is decreasing, especially amongst young people. And networks are freaking out! Their business models, their precious business models! Won’t someone think of the children, and then tell them to come inside and sit on the goddamned couch?

But really, 25 hours a week? Is that not still kind of a staggering amount? As a young-ish person who has to watch a certain amount of TV for a living, my back-of-the-envelope calculations put me at about 10-12 hours per week (and even that sounds awful to me). Where are these teens finding the time for this much TV? Not to mention people over 65, who watch 214 fucking hours of TV a month. Of course, none of these numbers take into account watching shows on laptops and tablets via streaming sites like Hulu, so it’s probably still even year-to-year, if not increasing in the case of young people.

Get a life, all of you. But, uh, watch Community tonight!