Syfy has traditionally brainstormed its TV movies by taking two or more creatures and smashing them together to create a superbeast who can wreak cheesy destruction (Mansquito; Dinocroc vs. Supergator). But someone in the network’s lab apparently realized that they could broaden their audience by mashing up a monster with a popular TV show or trend outside the realm of monsters. This is the only logical explanation for Jersey Shore Shark Attack, which airs on the network Saturday night at 9 p.m.: In addition to Syfy’s dependable B-movie-loving-shut-in-and-stoner demo, it also pulls in the MTV crowd! And if it works, it could be the beginning of a whole assembly line of movies that mix horror with hot TV trends. Execs can stand around in development meetings and talk about capturing the “frightgeist.” (You’re welcome, Syfy development team!)
Because we are nothing if not helpful, we decided to give Syfy a running start with our own suggestions. All it takes is a quick scan through an encyclopedia of monsters, bugs, and amphibians, and then a list of hot, tried-and-true scripted and unscripted fare (tattoo-parlor and pawn-shop reality shows? So rip-off-able!), suture ‘em together, change the titles enough to avoid lawsuits and — presto! — we’ve got enough concepts to keep the network programmed for the rest of the year.
Glee Club vs. Killer Bee Club
Chupacabr-Ink
17 Kids and Spawning
Say Yeti to the Dress: Icelanta
Project Sharkasaurus
America’s Next Super Soldier
Sabretooth Beach Town
The Real Giant Black Widows of New York City
Toddler Pageant Robot Uprising
Tarantula Exterminator
Who Can You Chew? (A contest show in which three cannibals sit in chairs with their backs to contestants and have to judge by their voices just how delicious they’d be. If they spin around, they have to eat them: but beware of meaty-sounding size zeros!)
Android Repo
Adorkazilla
Shark Attack Abbey
Attack of the Shark Cakes
Shark vs. Wedding Planner
Untitled Quirky, Loud Cajun Family With a Bossy, Foul-Mouthed Mom and Unpredictable, Overall-Wearing Son Who Has a Successful Business Making Designer Tobacco Spitoons and Who Are Also Zombies Project
