Vulture

Skip to content, or skip to search.

The Brooklyn Bridge (R) and Manhattan Bridge can be seen from the 90th story of One World Trade Center in New York, April 30, 2012.   New York's skyline got a new king April 30, 2012 after the still unfinished World Trade Center tower, built to replace the destroyed Twin Towers, crept above the venerable Empire State Building.  AFP PHOTO / Pool / Lucas JACKSON        (Photo credit should read LUCAS JACKSON/AFP/GettyImages) Was6429728

you're welcome

Adorkazilla and Sixteen Other Suggestions for Trendy Syfy Movies

Syfy has traditionally brainstormed its TV movies by taking two or more creatures and smashing them together to create a superbeast who can wreak cheesy destruction (Mansquito; Dinocroc vs. Supergator). But someone in the network's lab apparently realized that they could broaden their audience by mashing up a monster with a popular TV show or trend outside the realm of monsters. This is the only logical explanation for Jersey Shore Shark Attack, which airs on the network Saturday night at 9 p.m.: In addition to Syfy's dependable B-movie-loving-shut-in-and-stoner demo, it also pulls in the MTV crowd! And if it works, it could be the beginning of a whole assembly line of movies that mix horror with hot TV trends. Execs can stand around in development meetings and talk about capturing the "frightgeist." (You're welcome, Syfy development team!)

Because we are nothing if not helpful, we decided to give Syfy a running start with our own suggestions. All it takes is a quick scan through an encyclopedia of monsters, bugs, and amphibians, and then a list of hot, tried-and-true scripted and unscripted fare (tattoo-parlor and pawn-shop reality shows? So rip-off-able!), suture 'em together, change the titles enough to avoid lawsuits and — presto! — we've got enough concepts to keep the network programmed for the rest of the year.

Glee Club vs. Killer Bee Club

Chupacabr-Ink

17 Kids and Spawning

Say Yeti to the Dress: Icelanta

Project Sharkasaurus

America's Next Super Soldier

Sabretooth Beach Town

The Real Giant Black Widows of New York City

Toddler Pageant Robot Uprising

Tarantula Exterminator

Who Can You Chew? (A contest show in which three cannibals sit in chairs with their backs to contestants and have to judge by their voices just how delicious they'd be. If they spin around, they have to eat them: but beware of meaty-sounding size zeros!)

Android Repo

Adorkazilla

Shark Attack Abbey

Attack of the Shark Cakes

Shark vs. Wedding Planner

Untitled Quirky, Loud Cajun Family With a Bossy, Foul-Mouthed Mom and Unpredictable, Overall-Wearing Son Who Has a Successful Business Making Designer Tobacco Spitoons and Who Are Also Zombies Project

Photo-Illustration: Photos: Greg Gayne/FOX, AFP/Getty Images