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Video: All the Bachelor Pad Contestants Edited Down to One Cringeworthy Sentence Apiece

Last night marked the beginning of the third season of the reality competition show Bachelor Pad, a show that's one part Bachelor/Bachelorette castoffs, one part vodka, and just a splash of tepid hot-tub water. This year, the returning cast members were greeted with Bachelor and Bachelorette superfans that they will be competing against, which include a SWAT police officer, a person who owns more bikinis than clothes, and twins (who are competing as one human being, because, well, why not?) In case you didn't carve out two hours of your Monday evening to meet or remeet these fine folks, we've created a lighting-fast compilation upon which you can judge every contestant based on just one sentence they uttered during the premiere episode. Who needs more than that?