Olympic Gymnasts Are Weird, Broken People

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“‘This trip has been incredible, but really I’m already starting to miss home and being a weird kid who doesn’t have any friends,’ said the 16-year-old gymnast, who told reporters her teammates have been wonderful, but conceded she’s more accustomed to the incredibly bizarre existence of never talking to anybody aside from her coach. ‘I didn’t think I would miss it so much, but I guess I’m just like anybody else my age who practices gymnastics more than eight hours a day, every single day of the year.’”

— The Onion’s Gabby Douglas Excited To Return To Her Abnormal, Totally Fucked-Up Life is just about perfect.