Last night, as you might have heard, the recently cuckolded Robert Pattinson began his Cosmopolis press tour on The Daily Show. (He'll hit MTV, Good Morning America, and the floor of the New York Stock Exchange before the week is out.) The rules for this tour were clear — no mention of the words "Kristen Stewart" or "nuzzling," basically — but they apparently did not forbid Jon Stewart from alluding to the Overlook of Shame and giving Robert Pattinson a very endearing romantic pep talk on national television. So he did! And RPatz, who admitted mid-interview that he's never even bothered to hire a publicist (uh, get on that), sat there like a champ — albeit a spacy, unrehearsed, clearly humiliated champ. There was a lot of awkward staring at pints of ice cream. Pattinson didn't manage a complete thought until after the Cosmopolis clip, and even then it was just "Hey, Twilight fans, please come see this movie." But the sad man was clearly trying so hard, and Jon Stewart was trying so hard to help him, that the segment actually came together in a dudely Oprah sort of way. How could anyone watch this clip and not feel for poor, heartbroken Robert Pattinson, despite his rambling and bad Spanx jokes? Someone at Summit should start calculating how much money it'll take to get Jon Stewart on the Breaking Dawn press tour, because this was a win. And RPatz clearly needs a buddy.