Stephen Colbert Should Be in Charge of All Olympic Coverage


The Colbert Report

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Did you guys watch Freestyle Neck Vein yesterday? Germany’s Matthias Steiner’s vein had perfect form but, sadly, no style. His vein’s bloody purple hue was no match for Behdad Salimikordasiab’s Prince-purple vein. (Purple vein, purple vein. Purple vein, purple vein. Purple vein, purple vein. I only wanted to see you bathing in the purple vein.) Just the excitement of it all makes me feel like I’ve won a gold medal for rowing. So… anyway, Colbert is funny.