Six Lincoln Limericks to Text Your Loved Ones



Daniel Day Lewis stars as President Abraham Lincoln in this scene from director Steven Spielberg's "Lincoln" from DreamWorks Pictures and Twentieth Century Fox.

Ph: David James, SMPSP

?DreamWorks II Distribution Co., LLC. ?All Rights Reserved.
Photo: David James, SMPSP/?DreamWorks II Distribution Co., LLC. ?All Rights Reserved.

Earlier today, we learned that Daniel Day-Lewis passed time on the Lincoln set by texting love limericks (signed "Yours, A") to his co-star Sally Field. Why, that sounds like good, clean, historical fun! Vulture thought. And so we broke out the old rhyming dictionaries and wrote some Lincoln-themed poetry. Here it is, in case you want to send a romantic and educational text to your date tonight.

There once was a man named Abe Lincoln
Whose Union was rapidly shrinkin'
He gave a nice speech
And freedom to each
And then out with his pals he went drinkin'.
Yours, A

Oh, Abraham Lincoln, he'd glower
At a roster of guest stars so dour:
"I'm the president, mates
of these United States
So I'm clothed in immense freakin' power."
—Yours, A

Texted Abe, "I should not throw stones,
Of my own looks, I must make no bones
But I think this is big:
What the hell kind of wig
Did they put on poor Tommy Lee Jones?"
—Yours, A

Old Abe had a voice like a goat
Or Old Rose, who got stuck on a boat
It's unusually high
Straight from Funny or Die
Or so the historians wrote.
Yours, A

There once was a Lewis named Day
And weird characters he liked to play
Gets so into his part
He drinks milkshakes? It's art!
Oscars follow him every which way.
Yours, A

Abe Lincoln enjoyed a good top hat
And could rap every lyric of "Pop That"
That last one's a lie
But we had to try
The rhyme was way better than "mop cat."
Yours, A