Behold the first trailer for Disney's The Lone Ranger, which makes the thirties radio show/fifties TV show remake look like Pirates of the Caribbean 6: Captain Jack Puts on Face Paint and Trades His Boat for a Train. (Appropriate given that it's directed by Gore Verbinski, who helmed the first three Pirates movies.) The film has had a long journey — it was briefly canceled, resurrected with a more limited budget, and had a crew member die on set. Still, it’s hard to argue with a crazy-looking Johnny Depp riding on the bottom of a train Cape Fear–style. The film is slated for Fourth of July weekend 2013, so that gives you almost exactly nine months to buy a trumpet, learn how to play the “William Tell Overture,” and find a movie theater that allows musical instruments.