Today’s release of Parker comes in the fifteenth year of Jason Statham’s movie career, which has been a great time for fans of stoic action heroes, but a very dark period for one person: Jason the Stat Ham. Pre–Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, this numbers fanatic was living a hilarious existence as the world’s most outgoing and flamboyant statistician, cracking up analysts, marketers, and fellow statisticians alike with his kooky presentations. “He made number-crunching fun!” they would say, still chuckling over his reports and wiping the smashed melon off their suits. But then Statham emerged, and the more films he made, the more people would interrupt his zany antics to ask if his title was an allusion to a certain bald action star. “No!” he’d protest. “We’re actually quite different!” … but no one listened, and he was dismissed as a novelty. But there is no reason the two cannot exist in their separate fields, so it is incumbent on us to lay out their many differences.