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The Vampire Diaries Recap: Stefan vs. Damon, Round Two — We’re Not Crazy, We’re Just Passionate

The Vampire Diaries -- "Catch Me If You Can" -- Pictured (L-R): Steven R. McQueen as Jeremy and Nina Dobrev as Elena

Hello again, everyone, and thank you so much for the incredibly warm welcome last week! We’re going to stick with the system we’ve established, but TVD is a complicated show, and I know we won’t cover everything. We also won’t always agree. What I can promise you is this: Never will a shirt be removed without proper points given. This week, Damon was compelled by Kol to try to kill Jeremy … a lot. Matt managed to stay alive. Elena’s plan was for everyone to just focus on how much they love her, and Stefan made us think we were watching cable.

Let’s debate!

Stefan Is Not in the Mood to Talk

  • Plus 7 for Rebekah lying half-naked on Stefan’s bed and the way he delivered “knocking is still a thing.” We’re not even going to deduct points for “I’m done with her” or the fact that he had a goddamn towel over that chest (although we should).
  • Paul Wesley seems to have chemistry with everything, including inanimate objects (tell me he does not MAKE LOVE to that tumbler), so we actually don’t really care who he gets it on with, as long as he gets it on with someone. And Rebekah will more than do. Plus 6 for that scene in Shane’s office and the insane tension between these two.
  • Plus 8 for Rebekah and Stefan getting vampire high and Stefan saying “sex” so many times. It really was amazing and different and special every time it happened.
  • Stefan refusing to talk to Elena was a little melodramatic, but minus only 2 because we’ve been there.
  • Stefan showed up and saved Damon. We loved the “you’re welcome,” but we also appreciated the reminder that this show is, ultimately, a love story between brothers. They’ve been through a lot lately, but they still can’t let each other die. Plus 15.
  • “You don’t know what I look like when I’m not in love with you.” No points, because we have no idea whether to plus or minus, but when he said it, our hearts stopped beating. In a good way?
  • Plus 10 for friends (enemies?) with benefits. We are so excited for everything that is coming with this story line, least of which is Elena’s already blatantly obvious jealousy.  Also, have we ever seen Stefan hook up with someone who isn’t Elena? Or for that matter, Nina Dobrev? Comment away if I’m wrong, but I don’t think I am, so plus another 2. It’s about time.

Total: 46

Damon Is Team Human

  • Damon protecting Matt from being vampire bait gets a plus 9. Whoever contributes to keeping Matt alive wins everything in our book. No, seriously, everything.
  • Minus 5 in the Damon category for the conversation with Elena and Jeremy at the lake house. We know it’s not Damon’s fault she went all “not if it means putting the people that I love in danger,” but it was still painful to listen to, as we’ve been hearing it for four years.
  • Plus 5 for Damon’s “I’m just trying to keep you alive, dumbass.” It has been two years (a month? Don’t even get me started with Mystic Falls time) since Damon killed Jeremy, and while I don’t think these two are going to be besties, we get the feeling that Damon isn’t just looking out for Jer to get on Elena’s good side anymore. Dude cares about the little bro, and it shows.
  • “He’s underage, and I don’t like you.” Damon is really bringing the season-one snark back! Plus 4.
  • Damon realized he was compelled and warned Jeremy. He actually told Jeremy to kill him, and it didn’t even feel too martyr-y. Here’s looking at you, Ian. Plus 7.
  • Okay, let’s talk about this scene in the forest. Elena begged Damon to stop going after Jeremy, and to fight being compelled, “because he loves her.” The obvious parallel to season three’s episode "The Reckoning" aside, Elena’s conviction that both brothers’ love for her overrides EVERYTHING is starting to get grating. Plus 3 for Damon’s face, though.
  • Plus 7 for the way Damon called out to Stefan from his cell. We know you’re trying to make us think he wants Elena, show, but that whimper was clearly a cry for baby bro.

Total: 33

Bonus Points

  • Plus 6 for Jeremy being front and center. We love that he’s really coming into his own this season, although it’s too bad he had to do it so fully clothed.
  • Ugh, Shane is just so creepy. No points, because we don’t even totally understand what is going on here, but — gross.
  • Plus 5 for Bonnie’s bangs. Is it just us or did Kat Graham look extra hot in this episode?
  • Plus 8 for Rebekah’s “you dated a child who only thinks about herself.” Rebekah, we love you. Please never leave us.  
  • Plus 5 for three Originals being in the same room together. Are you guys as excited for the spinoff as we are?
  • But a big minus 7 for Caroline not making an appearance. Everything is worse when Miss Mystic isn’t around.

Total: 17

Damon was a hero, but Stefan showing up to save his brother puts this episode squarely in the younger Salvatore’s camp. The whole compulsion/Jeremy thing feels like another excuse to keep Damon and Elena apart, but we’re willing to withhold judgment until next week. After all, things turn on a dime in Mystic Falls.

Come on over to Twitter if you want to chat about more TVD. You can find me @RebeccaASerle.

Photo: Annette Brown/CW