Everyone’s (or at least the Internet’s) favorite study group is heading into its senior year, which means it’s time to look back at those who shaped the crew’s Greendale experience along the way: the teachers. They’ve had some good ones, but most of them have been pretty awful. It being Greendale, though, sometimes the worst ones are actually the best, humor-wise. Here is our ranking of every Community teacher:
14. Professor Whitman (Accounting)
Annie on Professor Whitman’s accounting class: “[It] ended up teaching me to live in the moment. Which I will always regret and never do again.” If your moment involves standing on top of your desk in an attempt at being inspired by an accounting professor at a four-year community college, maybe try living in a different moment. Greendale is populated by an incredibly pop-culture-savvy student body, they’ve all seen Dead Poet’s Society, they don’t need Whitman teaching the Cliffs Notes.
13. Doctor Escodera (Spanish)
She took over for Señor Chang after it was revealed that he wasn’t certified to be a Spanish teacher. She isn’t wacky or zany or anything — just a boring teacher who expects her students to learn Spanish. Also, she slept with Pierce, which is, at minimum, disconcerting.
12. Professor Slater (Statistics)
Professor Slater is pretty and seemingly knows and cares a lot about statistics. That being said, it’s Greendale — does anyone actually want a competent teacher?
11. Admiral Slaughter (Sailing)
Slaughter takes his class a bit too seriously, and he callously almost let Pierce drown in a parking lot twice. He does, however, look like Lee Majors, which is pretty cool.
10. Madame LeClair (Dance)
We don’t learn too much about Madame LeClair, but she definitely seems like the sweetest member of the Greendale faculty. She knows some of her students are embarrassed, but she’s so damn supportive that even a former high-school quarterback is willing to eventually participate in the class recital.
9. Professor Bauer (Anthropology)
She might seem like a sweet, old lady, but she is actually quite terrifying — quick to shoot darts at a student’s star-shaped sideburns or beat one up with her nine-part superweapon. On the negative side, she is definitively pro-dioramas.
8. Professor Sheffield (Media)
He teaches the single most important course at Greendale, a class that examines who was the boss on Who’s the Boss? Yet despite his authority on the subject, he doesn’t know the show as well as Abed. He does wear bow ties, though, so there’s that.
7. Señor Chang (Spanish)
He isn’t certified. He’s apparently a terrible teacher and person. He’s prone to giving out twenty-page papers out of spite and coming to class topless. He might be awful and disgusting, but at least he’s always exciting.
6. Professor Holly (Pottery)
It’s a pottery class for college credit in which you are only graded on participation: What could be better? Well, one thing would be better: He allowed “ghosting.” For a college this pop-culture obsessed, come on, you’ve got to let the kids reenact the pottery scene from Ghost.
5. Professor Cligoris (Political Science)
Passionate about his field — especially model U.N.’s — but not boring about it. He’s not above pretending to need a wheelchair to make a point about FDR. He’s kind of a creep but not too much of a creep, which is a notable achievement for Greendale.
4. Professor Kane (Biology)
There is something to being the only person on campus with any moral compass whatsoever. But his time in jail left him confused about the darndest things (e.g. When did Legos stop being simple?). Still, a man’s gotta have a code.
3. Coach Bogner (Billiards)
At first Coach Bogner seemed like a real D, forcing everybody to wear super-short short-shorts. But eventually it becomes obvious that he just loves pool above all things. Not to mention he’s also only one of two teachers at Greendale who have rubbed their naked parts against Jeff Winger’s naked parts.
2. Professor Duncan (Psychology and Anthropology)
Duncan is the perfect mix of caring a lot about himself and not caring at all about teaching. It allows for maximum Greendale shenanigans. Only Duncan, when assigned to teach a class on a subject he knows nothing about (anthropology), would show up drunk every session and just force the class to make nineteen dioramas. It doesn’t get more Greendale than that.
1. Professor Garrity (Drama)
What makes a good Greendale teacher? Passion? Bullshitting? The ability to give out college credit? Sure, Professor Garrity has all of that, but what really makes him Community’s best professor is his complete committal to high jinks. You think Professor Slater would pose as Professor Professorson? No way. She’d just give you the percent chance that she wouldn’t do that — which would be 100. The man conspired with basically everyone to pull off the classic fake shootings moment. He is also the brains behind the brilliant all-black production of Fiddler on the Roof (Someone drop an Old Testament beat!). Now watch Greendale’s best professor in action: