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The Vampire Diaries Recap: Stefan vs. Damon, Round 3: Some Things Are Better Left Buried

The Vampire Diaries -- "A View to a Kill" -- Pictured (L-R): Steven R. McQueen as Jeremy, Kat Graham as Bonnie, and Rick Worthy as Rudy

This week on The Vampire Diaries, Elena and Jeremy successfully (!) enacted a plan to kill Kol. Stefan taught Rebekah The Breakfast Club Slide. Damon was released from his cell, and we found out where the cure is. Spoiler alert: It’s where we always suspected it was — nestled underneath Steven McQueen’s bicep. Let’s debate!

Stefan Would Totally Hold a Boom Box Outside Your Window

I know I say the same thing every week, but I will continue until it stops being true: Paul Wesley is killing this new chapter of Stefan’s. Opening on his perfectly conflicted expression, and then bare chest in bed? Plus 10.

Plus 5 for the reunion of Stefan and Klaus. We love when they close-talk on each other’s faces.

“Villain bonding time.” Snark, Stefan! Plus 2.

I know he did it to block the sound of his melodic voice, or whatever, but Stefan revving that motorcycle took us back to his ride with Elena, and whenever we go there, we have to subtract points. Minus 3.

Okay, Stefan and Rebekah’s conversation among all those eighties clothes. Stefan was sweet, Rebekah was hot, and it kind of made us think of The Carrie Diaries (which we are loving, btw). We also liked the reminder that Rebekah was daggered for that entire decade (how sweet was it when she started talking about how they play movies at night now??). She’s missed a lot, and it’s why she is who she is. Plus 8.

Not for nothing, watching Stefan’s fully developed romantic side is one of the reasons we first fell in love with this show. Remember when he woke Elena up so he could kiss her on top of the Ferris wheel? Sure, he’s moving on, but that doesn’t mean he has to retire the moves. Plus 14 for Stefan’s verbal movie tour, his D.J.-ing skills, that KOALA, and the way he spun Rebekah straight into his arms. We swooned. Stefan doesn’t even LIKE to dance.

Stefan tells all girls that they are like Lexi. It’s awesome. It’s totally his “backpacking through Europe” story. Plus 7.

Claire Holt has just been incredible lately. Rebekah is such a wonderfully nuanced character, and that confession to Stefan about wanting to be human was pretty much her best work yet. Plus 5 in the Stefan category for this one. He brings it out in her.

“I’m not going to let the people I love get hurt.” “I want us to find this cure together, you and me. Not just for Elena, but for you.” Stefan is still Stefan. He cares, and we’re cool with that. Can he keep the jacket, though? Plus 2.

Total: 45

Damon Has a Revenge Sex Handbook, Not a Diary. They Are Different.

Damon and Stefan communicating through a cell wall is pretty much how all of our fantasies begin. Except … no, just that. Plus 7.

Klaus babysitting Damon bummed us out, because isn’t this guy supposed to be the villain? But we liked when Klaus asked for relationship advice. His “What is it you say to her?” was an unexpectedly vulnerable moment. Plus 4.

Damon’s “If you’re going to be bad, be bad with purpose” would get positive points, but his philosophy is a little porous these days. He ISN’T being the bad guy anymore … that’s the whole point, right? That’s the point? That’s why he’s with Elena and locked in a cell and not trying to kill Jeremy or whatever? Minus 2. 

“It’s one of his trademarks. Like his brooding. And his hair.” No one knows you like family. Plus 6.  

The scene where Klaus taunted Damon about Stefan was hard to watch, because you know that as happy as Damon is right now, the presence of his brother’s love is just always there. Damon’s face when Klaus pointed out that Elena will choose Stefan once they find the cure was downright heartbreaking. Also, wasn’t Somerhalder particularly smoking in this episode? Plus 7.

Damon and Elena hugging it out gets a Plus 5. I know it was less sexy than a lot of you guys probably wanted, but it was still nice they got a moment.

Damon punched Stefan. Look, they both deserve to get clocked, but I’m glad one of them finally did it. Now that everyone’s sexual exploits are out in the open, let the games (jealously) begin! Plus 6.

Total: 33

Bonus Points

Plus 5 for Jeremy and Matt playing Xbox while Elena cleaned. That’s pretty much how we see the final episode, PS.

Elena is getting better at lying? Sure. Plus 4.

Good thing they’re going out of town, because how is anyone gonna shower with vervain in the water supply? No points, but someone should get on that.  

The scene with Jeremy and Bonnie and Bonnie’s mom and Bonnie’s dad was really great. Bonnie’s dad is crazy, you guys. But maybe Bonnie is crazier? Unclear. Plus 5.

Elena saved Jeremy! And they killed Kol! That was some teamwork, right there, and the Gilberts usually cannot get it together. Plus 8.

Klaus doesn’t want the cure? WHAT IS HAPPENING? Watching Joseph Morgan pantomime fist-pumping after Bonnie locked him up was pretty awesome, though. And those tearful eyes at the door! Someone get this guy his own show. Oh, wait. Plus 4.

Did anyone else imagine John Mayer singing “Your Body Is a Wonderland” as that tattoo spread over Jeremy’s chest? No? Weird. Plus 7.

No points, because we’re actually starting to get worried, but where is Caroline?

Total: 33

This is the second week in a row Stefan has won. You just can’t beat a guy in Top Gun gear. Next week, we’re going on a field trip to find the cure! Dibs on sneaking into Stefan’s sleeping bag.

As always, come discuss with me at @RebeccaASerle.

Photo: Blake Tyers/CW