Your Relationship Is Not as Great/Insane as Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman’s

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“Several times a day, Nick shits his pants, scream-belches, “YOU FRACKING WHORE!” at me, snorts a veritable mountain of crushed ephedrine, urinates on our bed, makes me re-shave the swastika into his pubes, and then cries like a baby and calls me ‘Mommy’ while he tries to suckle at my unresponsive buttocks. When we have company over? Forget it.”

Megan Mullally on the behavior of her husband Nick Offerman, in a love-and-romance-themed Q & A over at the AV Club. If there were ever a couple to aspire to be like on this Valentine’s Day, it’s them.