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All of the Stupid and Offensive Things That Happen During the Movie InAPPropriate Comedy

Plenty of comedy legends have made their names forcing audiences to confront society's most powerful taboos. Vince Offer made his in a ShamWow infomercial. So it should be no surprise that his movie InAPPropriate Comedy, which attempts to find humor in issues of race and sexuality, was as successful as an armless man with a Slap Chop (Offer would like that joke). There's no actual plot to the film, which basically involves Offer choosing iPad apps (which explains the capitalization) that launch a handful of comedy sketches so unfunny that they wouldn't even have made season six of SNL. What the movie did contain much of were jokes that might get a smirk out of a 13-year-old boy while eliciting eye rolls and anger from all other sentient beings. Here's every dumb, stupid, offensive, idiotic thing that happens in InAPPropriate Comedy:

  • Lindsay Lohan, playing herself, re-creates that famous sidewalk grate scene from Seven Year Itch as Vince Offer sits underground, points a camera upward, and films her undergarments.
  • Adrien Brody plays "Flirty Harry," a seventies cop who wears pink capris and speaks exclusively in gay sex double entendres ("As soon as I came, those assholes opened up"; "I unloaded into both of those assholes").
  • He's in a bar called Glory Hole, there's a joke about how he likes nuts and a line about how he's going to "push your stool in real slow."
  • He goes to get his nails done at a salon full of Asian stereotypes who argue over who gets to blow him.
  • A criminal he's chasing drops a baby in a pool.
  • "Blackass" is a Jackass parody with black guys dressed like extras from Boyz n the Hood and named Murphay and Acquon.
  • They ride a Dumpster into a sewage factory and fall into a vat of poop.
  • They joust in shopping carts with huge foam dicks.
  • They drink 40s, spontaneously rap, and complain about paying their bills and missed welfare checks.
  • One of them joins his white girlfriend in a hot tub at a hotel with another couple they just met. The black guy intimidates the other couple into staying and says things like "What it do? How you be?"
  • One of them goes to an abortion clinic and offers a woman in the waiting room a cheaper option: He could take her to an alley with his coat hanger and abort her baby for $100. He also offers to kick her down the stairs for $50.
  • One of them wraps his penis in gauze, puts Cheez Whiz on the end of it, and tries to lead a mouse into a mouse trap. The trap snaps on his penis and the mouse.
  • Offer's co-writer Ari Shaffir plays the host of The Amazing Racist, and in his first moment onscreen he's seen putting on a Klan outfit.
  • Shaffir says something of needing to get a white man back into the White House.
  • Shaffir pretends to work at a border town gas station. When a black guy and white girl ride up in a VW convertible, Shaffir tells the girl to blink if she's in trouble, asks the guy what team he plays for, says he wishes all black guys were good ones like him, and tells him he hopes he doesn't go to jail that night.
  • Shaffir sees a Mexican guy with a bottle of water and accuses him of stealing it and then of using food stamps to buy it.
  • Shaffir tells another Mexican guy that he can help him find work but instead leads him through a fake door that says "Factory" above it and traps him in a cage on the back of his truck. He then delivers the captive to immigration agents, who he tells to find a black guy to park the truck.
  • Later, Shaffir’s working as a driving instructor for Asians, who he calls the "round-eyed impaired."
  • Shaffir rides with an Asian guy, who he keeps telling to open his eyes. Then he uses tape to keep them open for him. He also asks the guy if he wants to grab a dog off the street and fry it up before putting on a pair of these glasses and saying "So, so, sorry" over and over.
  • Shaffir also rides with an Asian woman, who he asks for a massage and a hand job before asking if her vagina is slanted.
  • Shaffir later dresses as a priest and goes to a Jewish market with a petition asking Jews to apologize for killing Jesus. They're asked to sign with their "Jew name" and "Jew number, if you remember it."
  • Shaffir offers 50 percent off nose jobs if they sign, tries to bribe people with pennies, and tells the clerk kicking him out of the store that he wishes he was "6 million and 1."
  • Shaffir stands on the beach next to a decrepit ship and offers black people free one-way trips back to Africa. He tries to entice them with malt liquor, fried chicken on a string, basketball, watermelon, Kool-Aid, and an onboard salon called "Fantastic Sambo's" to "get your hair did."
  • Shaffir asks a white man with a black women if he was the security guard at her prison and tells a black woman that she'll feel more at home in Africa because movies start ten minutes late and you can talk the whole way through. 
  • When we last see Shaffir, CIA agents drop him with machine gun holding Arabs in a cave compound. He immediately starts yelling about how much they stink. Michelle Rodriguez and Rob Schneider are in a porn theater recording a porn podcast with some guy who spends the whole movie jerking off into a popcorn tub.
  • The first porn they watch is Japanese, has over-the-top accents, and features a man punching a woman in the face and throwing her through a wall. There's a sweatshop with Asians making shoes on the other side of the wall.
  • During sex, the woman calls the man Mr Myagi, he asks her to tell him he's good at math, and there's a joke about beating up that, uhhh, vagina, like its name is Rihanna and his penis is Chris Brown.
  • The popcorn-tub jerk-off guy measures his semen output as his final review of the film.
  • The next movie is Sperm Lake, which is like Swan Lake but at a an actual lake and with all men ballerinas. It culminates with a kid in overalls getting drenched in swan sperm. Jerk-off guy fills his tub.
  • There's a one-off sketch with a woman telling her shrink, played by Rob Schneider, about a sex addiction that left her "covered in nameless, faceless semen." He gets really turned on.
Photo: null/Freestyle Releasing