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The Vampire Diaries Recap: Stefan vs. Damon, Round Nine: There Will Be Consequences

The Vampire Diaries --"American Gothic"

Last night’s episode was really The Vampire Diaries at its best. We had Katherine, Elijah, Rebekah, and brother bonding — what more could we ask for? Steroline, obviously, but we’re not really in the mood to split hairs. Katherine’s backstory continues to intrigue, as do the complicated dynamics of the Original Family. And for the first time in a long time, we can honestly say we want to know who is going to get this cure. Also, Shane didn’t show up — plus 100 right there.

Let’s debate, shall we?

Stefan Is Going to Ride Off Into the Sunset Alone But Would Be Down If Damon Joined

  • Stefan giving Damon crap for letting Elena and Rebekah take off was awesome. How long has he waited to be the one who doesn’t screw up the plan? Plus 5.
  • “Your little sister decided to join Team Good Guys.” Team Good Guys. Yeah, right. Plus 4, though. It was a cute line.
  • Seeing Stefan and Damon’s faces as they watched Rebekah take the cure was really devastating. Stefan especially. We continue to resent the assumption that Elena would go running back to Stefan if she were human again, but he does, it seems, have the most to lose from her staying a vampire. Plus 6.
  • “How do you feel?” Stefan asked Rebekah, right after she had taken the cure, essentially ruining his shot at One True Love. The selflessness this man exhibits knows no bounds. Plus 12.
  • “I’m getting her out of my life and I’m getting a life of my own.” Okay. We’re gonna break it down right now. So a part of us also wants Stefan to get a life and get on with it and continue as he has this season. It has been awesome to watch him on his own, banging Rebekah, flirting with Caroline, making moves, bro-ing down with Damon, etc., but we have a confession to make, and it’s no small one: We miss the central love story of this show. When The Vampire Diaries began it was about a human girl who fell deeply, madly in love with an incredibly flawed vampire. Their love was tumultuous and often misguided. It was complicated and fraught. But it was also real. And it was the heart of this show. It was the reason we began watching, and the reason we continued. There are many things to love about TVD, and Ian’s eye thing is high on that list, but their love story was always No. 1. No points, but we’ve said our piece.

Total: 27

Damon Had a Moment of Weakness. It’s His Thing.

  • “Elena without her humanity is a stone-cold bitch.” Damon was so irritated this episode. Ian Somerhalder was really at his best. Plus 4.
  • Damon and Stefan wandering around Fake Stars Hallow was ridiculous. “This guy is royally pissed off.” Right, guys. You look super menacing in all that leather. Minus 7.
  • Damon’s face when Katherine said she and Elijah were “friends” was hilarious. That whole moment was amazing. The entire table reacted like they had just drank spoiled milk. Also? Not really buying that they’d be that repulsed. Nina Dobrev and Daniel Giles are, like, super hot. But plus 7.
  • “Wow, a quilt and a fish aquarium. Who are you?” Damon was really on tonight. Plus 3.
  • “Sorry it’s Rebekah I didn’t have a pony to distract her, Stefan.” Zing! Plus 4.
  • The scene with Damon and Stefan where Damon confessed to letting Rebekah take the cure was wonderful. We love these two when they’re open and honest with each other, and right now, despite everything, they are the strongest we have ever seen them. When Damon said: “And then Rebekah took it and I realized how badly I screwed up,” we sighed out loud. He wants to do right by his brother. He’s really proven that. In fact, last week when Damon said, “and that, brother, is why you are the better boyfriend,” we realized something. Stefan might be the better boyfriend but Damon is the better brother. Plus 20.

Total: 31

Bonus Points:

  • Caroline! We thought our girl had gotten her revenge on but turns out she was just Silas! Plus 4 because Candice Accola.
  • “So sad for the boys, though. Their special snowflake of human frailty gone.” How long has she been waiting to call Stefan and Damon “the boys” with Elena? Because we have been waiting, like, four years. Plus 8.
  • Plus 6 for the acknowledgment that Katherine and Rebekah knew each other, although we sorta wish they had a more complicated history. Related: Why have neither Rebekah nor Katherine tried to compel and marry a prince? If I had been alive for 500 years, I’d kinda like to rule a country for a while. Plus, jewelry.
  • “People change. I’m not the girl you think I am.” Can we just say that we understand why every male we’ve met on this show has been in love with Katherine? Because we are totally bewildered by her. It was impossible to tell when she was telling the truth and when she was just manipulating. We have more to say about this below, but for the first half of the episode, plus 7.
  • “Okay, I don’t know if this is some new way of flirting, but it sucks.” Plus 10 because honestly? We feel that way about 90 percent of the romantic antics on this show.
  • Rebekah looked so proud of Elena during that scene in the diner with Katherine. And when they started imitating her it made our hearts tingle. Claire Holt’s smile could make anyone’s day. Plus 6.
  • “Your shoes. I want your shoes.” That hurt Katherine the most, you could tell. Plus 2.
  • Plus 20 for the return of Elijah. And for him locking lips with Elena. We have been wanting to see that for a while. True story: When there were all those rumors about whom Elena was going to sleep with at the beginning of this season, we totally thought it was going to be Elijah. We’re not that good at plot.
  • “I should have turned my back on you ages ago.” I see you, Klaroline people, but let me just say this: Klaus’s redemption story is not going to be told in the next four episodes (particularly since he is about to get an entire show dedicated to exactly that). While Joseph Morgan and Candice Accola are super hot together, Caroline falling for Klaus is just not believable to us given the current climate. He’s not worthy of her — sorry, we said it. Plus 8, though, because we’re not monsters.
  • “You can’t blame them for having hope, Elena. It would be a shame if the world lost a soul as compassionate as yours.” We love Elijah. He kinda makes Stefan and Damon seem like boys. Elenja? We’d ship it. Plus 10.
  • The moment Rebekah realized she was still a vampire made us feel fairly devastated. The power of Claire Holt, you guys. Plus 9.
  • That scene with Katherine and Elijah was great, but we have some questions. Did she always love him even when she was loving Stefan and/or Damon? In which case, did she ever even love them? We just really need to understand more about the way Katherine feels. Do you think she would come over and share a bottle of wine with us and tell us who has the softest skin? I mean obviously it’s Stefan, but we’d still like the opportunity to discuss specifics. Plus 10.
  • Elena, man. We don’t even know what to say about her threat except to hypothesize. And we’d rather focus on the promo of Stefan and Damon throwing a football together. Because yeah, that’s happening. Plus 12 in advance.

Total: 112

This episode goes to neither brother — we can’t let one of them win when they were such partners tonight! And Elijah claimed this thing the moment he stepped into that suit and onto our screens.

Meet you back here on April 18? In the meantime, if you want to ask me to prom, I’m here: @RebeccaASerle

Photo: Annette Brown/CW