Vulture is doing fifteen immediate recaps for hard-core Arrested Development fans. Five regular Vulture writers will write on three episodes each. More in-depth analyses of the new episodes will appear in the coming weeks.
Episode seven, “Colony Collapse,” was about Gob. A Gob-isode, if you will. It was also my favorite of the season, so I was pumped to see another Gob-isode in my recapping block.
And I’m laughing right away as Gob and Michael try to figure out if the other’s famous girlfriend is Julie Bowen. She’s neither, but we all know she would work better with Michael.
After their argument, Gob tries to recruit Michael to help him take down Tony Wonder. The plan requires Michael to pretend to be his boyfriend, a job Steve Holt, who looks about 45, already turned down. Michael won’t do it either, and with both his son and his brother out, Gob turns to his brother’s son to accompany him to the Gothic Castle. (or is it Gothic Asshole? Or is it both?)
Gob tricks George Michael into showing up, sucks his nephew’s pinky, kisses his lips, and lets him leave. Then he sneaks backstage to lock everything in sight, hoping to trap Tony inside of something.
It’s showtime and Tony’s dancing around the stage. A cop handcuffs him for being gay. His “parents” (at least that’s what their briefcases say) lock him in a closet. And poof, he jumps out of a beanbag chair. Magic!
Actually it was masks, as Tony tells Gob after the show. The two magicians, one gay the other pretending to be so he can ruin the other’s life, spend all night together riding grocery carts and making pottery. The next morning Gob tells Tobias about it and he sounds less like a vengeful magician fueled by white-hot rage than a smitten groupie eager to stroke Tony Wonder’s nasty soul patch.
But Tony might not like that, considering HE’S PRETENDING TO BE GAY TOO. As we soon learn, Sally Sitwell is his girlfriend, who created his new gay-friendly image and shaves his legs. They’re also setting Gob up so Tony can steal George Michael’s Fake Block software.
But first a date. Gob’s supposed to meet Tony at a place called Little Ballroom, and even though he asks Siri to lead him to the gayest place with that name, it takes him to a kid’s play place. Michael confronts Gob because he thinks his brother’s also dating Rebel Alley. He’s not but they still fight in the ball pit of the only children’s play place where employees allow grown men to punch each other and break equipment.
After missing his date, Gob goes to Tony’s house to (soul) patch things up. They bond over being fake gay, share an awkward Heimlich maneuver, and decide independently to not ruin each other’s lives. Turns out they have unfamiliar feelings for each other. It’s that thing people call friendship.
It’s Cinco, and Gob runs into Ann, who has a child with Tony Wonder! That means Tony’s straight and Gob is pissed. He gets Ann to come back to the model home to have sex with Tony and prove he’s straight, thereby ruining his career. Ann’s not down and on her way out she convinces Tony to take part in a plan to ruin Gob. Quick note of appreciation for Mae Whitman here, who plays a vengeful Ann almost as well as she cries.
So, Tony puts on a Gob mask and Gob a Tony mask, each to destroy the other. Then they have sex. The next morning Michael sees what (and who) his brother did so Gob forces a “Forget Me Now” (roofie) down Michael’s throat instead of his own. Michael forgets what he saw and also that he had sex with Lucille 2 to relieve a $700,000 debt. So he’s about to do that again, which sucks for him. But what sucks worse is who’s actually sleeping with Rebel Alley. George (Maharis) Michael!
Odds and Ends
- Loved Gob reviewing the movie contract from Michael and saying “Bob Loblaw, look at this.” Never enough Bob Loblaw jokes.
- Along with a whoops column, Poof magazine also has a listing of “dove and animal deaths.”
- As Sally’s eyebrow — which Tony thought was a caterpillar — proves, alopecia runs in the family.