Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we’ll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist.
(If you’re reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)
Jeff Lyons (@usedwigs) is the funny man proprietor of usedwigs.com, and the host of the UsedWigs Radio podcast. Most relevant to Follow Friday, Jeff is a funny tweeter who was enough of a gentleman to elaborate on a few of his classic tweets.
“The feedback from my ‘you cheated’ comments has been 100% positive, most parents fess up and thank me profusely like, ‘Thank you Jeff, we had a sneaking suspicion that our little Colby and Pepper Jack were cheating and playing dirty and maiming other children during their pee wee lacrosse games. It took great courage for you to call us out on a public platform and we no longer allow the boys to play organized sports, in fact, we’ve completely disowned them. They now live with their karate instructor, Keith. Thanks again!’ It feels good to help.”
“I was a waiter a while back and I actually said this to a couple on my first day on the job. I was required to say this because it was a Ska-themed restaurant, Rude Boy Tuesday. I’m totally kidding, I worked at Reel Big Fish & Chips. “
“Remember on Jon & Kate Plus 8 when they’d push around that 8-seater stroller and demand free diapers and baby formula and men’s XL Ed Hardy shirts whenever they went into the local Walmart? Loved that show, good people, great parents.”
“I love heist movies and I have a deep respect for mobsters. I live in Philly and we have a proud mafia tradition with local heroes like Salvatore “Tuna Hoagie” Testa, Nicky “The Bedwetter” Ciancaglini, Benny “The FBI Informant” Fabritzio and of course, Vinnie “Wet Vac” Vaccarro. Sadly, they were all killed during a Mummers Parade when their giant racist taco float caught on fire.”
“I wish I could say this story had a happy ending but since I became the Director of Laughs, my workload has tripled, I have 12 new direct reports and a shit-ton of performance reviews to go over.”
Lyons is now trying to get fired.
He got the job straight out of college.
The college experience made Jeff wistful of his high school days.
Lyons is more of an autodidact anyway.
He sometimes has long rides in that car.
Jeff probably isn’t driving to the zoo.
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love animals.
Jeff is also not driving to Wendy’s.
Or Urban Outfitters.
Lyons is excited about NBC’s fall lineup.
But he’s flat out skrillexed for ABC’s.
The following tweet is about Arrested Development!
As is this one sort of!
Howard would probably prefer that to meeting Jeff.
There are some things Lyons has yet to see.
Like a year where he kept a resolution.
But it isn’t anything to get depressed about.