As Boston P.D. detective Shannon Mullins in The Heat, Melissa McCarthy is good at police work, and even better at hurling profanity-spattered insults. Who knew there were so many different ways to suggest that you are going to pull off someone’s body part and stuff it in another body part? We jotted down all of her major threats (ignoring generic “fuck-you”s) so you can memorize them and use them when your wordier Veep-spawned insults get too exhausting. (Spoilers for those who like their four-letter-worded dialogue to be a surprise.)
“I hope it burns your fucking dick off.”
“I’m gonna make you bend over, and then I am going to reach up into your pocket and get the keys to your house and then I am gonna drive over and kill you in your sleep.”
“I’ve been thinking of ways to kill you for the last half hour.”
“Lay down here. I’ll slam this door 157,000 times on your head.”
“I’m gonna hit you and knock all your little buttons off.”
When somebody eventually finds her boss’s balls, she volunteers to “put them right back up his scrotum.”
“I’ll get comfy when my foot is up your ass.”
“I feel the need for you to stay out of my business so I don’t punch you in the teeth.”
“I will fucking kill you!”
About brother’s girlfriend: “Tell Gina I’m going to strangle her at the table.”
To a different brother’s girlfriend: “Who the fuck are you? I’m going to kill you and then strangle her [points to Gina] with your dead body!”
“Don’t make me want to shoot you!”
“What am I gonna do, shoot you in the dick?”
“Move your feet, I’ll chop them off.”
“I’ll rip your fucking pants off!”
“I’ll break your fucking arm!”
“Don’t make me put the cat down and punch you.”
