Follow Friday: @ThatRamosGirl (Vanessa Ramos)

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Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we’ll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist.

(If you’re reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)

Vanessa Ramos (@thatramosgirl) has just signed on to write for the Comedy Central roast for the second year in a row, this time around setting her sights on wiping the smug smile off of James Franco’s face - through comedy. She took some time off from penning her potentially renaissance man-destroying jokes to talk about a few of her funniest tweets.

My three favorite shows about murderers are Dexter, Hannibal, and SportsCenter.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) June 30, 2013

I tweeted this one as I was about to watch the season premiere of Dexter. I started thinking about other shows about serial killers before finding a pattern and having a little fun with it. I also considered other sports shows, but SportsCenter made me laugh.”

Cat hair is lonely people glitter.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) December 19, 2012

My favorite episode of Dirty Jobs is the one about the guy who feeds peanut butter to the Kardashians so it looks like they’re talking.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) November 15, 2011

Anywho, the Kardashian thing came from watching Keeping Up with The Kardashians with the sound off for five minutes and it reminding me of when my brother and I would give our cocker spaniel a spoonful of peanut butter while my mom’s Gloria Estefan CD played. That reference was pretty inside so I went with Dirty Jobs.”

A lot of people on Twitter are famous in the same way that some Chili’s menu items are famous.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) January 26, 2012

Spent money on tickets to watch Emilio Estevez read the novelizations of The Mighty Ducks movies, feeling pretty good about it right now.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) April 3, 2011

Vanessa also took advantage of the NFL’s most embarrassing public moment, when replacement referees erroneously awarded the wrong team the victory.

Why is everybody angry about football? Did Keanu Reeves make another movie about it?— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) September 25, 2012

The self-loathing is coming from inside the house.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) September 17, 2012

Nice polarized Oakleys, guys who peaked in high school.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) December 3, 2012

If there’s anything we can learn from the O.J. trial, it’s that we should go ahead and take note of Chris Brown’s glove size.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) September 11, 2012

Before you let out a sigh of relief, remember that Romney has the money and technology to terrorize us as The Green Goblin.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) November 7, 2012

I think my neighbors are moving out in case any of you don’t mind living in an apartment where love died.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) May 16, 2013

There is no sadder place on the Internet than the section of Craigslist where people seek out McDonald’s Monopoly game pieces.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) November 15, 2012

Michael Buble’s next album might as well be called Welcome to Nordstrom.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) March 6, 2012

Pitbull really missed the boat on Jock Jams.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) June 28, 2013

Whenever I run into someone who is friends with my ex, I feel like Commissioner Gordon having to give that fake speech about Harvey Dent.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) July 17, 2013

There is no creepier union than the friendship between two girls that dated the same guy.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) November 23, 2012

James Carville has come a long way since trying to destroy Toon Town.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) November 7, 2012

If I didn’t know any better, I’d assume that certain animals were put on this planet to sell insurance.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) July 7, 2013

Learn how to tell a story, everyone on Jeopardy.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) December 1, 2012

I always get Ann Coulter and Nancy Grace confused with the other two horsemen of the apocalypse.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) July 14, 2013

At this point, we need less ways to express ourselves.— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) June 20, 2013