Follow Friday: @KateBerlant

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Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we’ll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist.

(If you’re reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)

Kate Berlant (@KateBerlant) is one of those stand-up comedians that you are told to watch out for in the best way possible. She was kind enough to elaborate (tersely, as is her style) on a few of her funniest tweets.

Ppl who respond “maybe attending” on FB events are haunted & enjoy the process of haunting others— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) March 21, 2013

Being afraid of commitment is the new settling down— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) March 4, 2013

Is it punk to not text back the person you love?— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) May 17, 2013

My emotional needs literally JUST changed— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) July 5, 2013

My mom just attacked me for having not played enough with a cat that’s been dead 11 years— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) June 4, 2013

Kate does in fact enjoy those types of tweets. For example:

“there are more Geminis in jail than any other sign” – my mom, with tears in her eyes— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) March 6, 2013

When I was a pre-teen my mom would often insist on taking me to visit Marilyn Monroe’s grave after school & it hasn’t affected me at all— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) May 12, 2013

no tragedy, personal or national, could effect my birthday party— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) April 25, 2013

I want a choker made from Dakota Fanning’s baby teeth & your forgiveness— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) April 1, 2013

My passion project is trying not to pass away— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) September 19, 2012

My other car is a we’re all gonna die— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) August 6, 2012

I’m afraid of what I want from a summer blockbuster— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) June 14, 2013

Drew a perfect circle. Afraid of what I’ll do next.— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) March 27, 2013

“i’d like you to meet your son” & then i hand u a picture of yourself it was u the whole time life is a mystery— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) January 2, 2013

Shattered your People’s Choice Award in the alley where you were born— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) March 12, 2013

I broke your wind chime out of fear— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) July 26, 2013

I’m so scared im going to accidentally RT my ex even tho he doesn’t have Twitter & I wish him the best— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) July 30, 2013

I refuse to define my relationship to jazz— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) March 5, 2013

Can you be withholding as you twerk ?— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) March 19, 2013

Making a smoothie about loss— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) June 12, 2013

should i drink cake batter flavored muscle milk OR casually endorse genocide?— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) May 29, 2012

my fave adolescent fantasy is the idea of change— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) June 24, 2013

Dying to openly discuss how I’ve changed— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) May 4, 2013

Just whimpered “I’m doing the best that I can” while I anxiously searched for my cellphone charger— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) June 6, 2013