Follow Friday: @RobWhisman

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Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we’ll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist.

(If you’re reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)

Rob Whisman (@RobWhisman), is a humorous tweeter that was kind enough to revisit his past and reminisce on what he was thinking when he composed some of his funniest material.

woah did you know if u start metallica’s master of puppets exactly 1 min 21 sec into paul blart mall cop the girl i invited over will leave

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) November 4, 2012

[swipes debit card] *would you like cash back?* yes [gazes at photo in wallet of steve jobs johnny cash & bob hope, whispers] yes i would

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) February 21, 2013

sick of these pseudo “hipsters” in their abercrombie & fitch shirts who probly can’t even name one abercrombie & fitch album

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) July 10, 2012

every time someone posts engagement photos on facebook i can’t help but hope that maybe some day i too will own a nice shirt

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) April 28, 2013

i am so confused by the ending of donnie darko. what the FUCK is a “key grip”

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) March 3, 2013

True story: my sister’s name is Stephanie. And she’s engaged. And her pin number might very well be 1833. Very strange. And a little scary.

Anyway, maybe Rob should take his own advice.

don’t hate robert altman’s 1992 satirical comedy “the player” hate david fincher’s 1997 psychological thriller “the game”

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) September 1, 2012

yo fellas how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls facebook picture last year play out

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) May 29, 2013

this weather is so hot i wouldn’t be surprised if it told me what a great friend i am

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) May 7, 2012

hello @Wendys can you confirm store #1803 employee christine did in fact work tonight & could not hang out

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) June 26, 2013

a girl who asked me senior year of high school if you could get pregnant from swallowing semen starts her 1st day of student teaching today

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) August 8, 2013

thanks fictional character with 12 bedroom mansion RT @SirJayGatsby: Happiness comes from noticing and enjoying the little things in life.

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) August 7, 2013

i sure listen to a lot of wu tang clan for someone who cried during jim & pam’s wedding

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) July 7, 2013

i’m ready for radioactive to be radio absent

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) August 18, 2013

a broken clock is still right twice a day or all day if it has “mumford & sons is a shitty band” written on it

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) April 29, 2013

WAKA, IT’S MARVIN. YOUR COUSIN, MARVIN FLOCKA FLAME.

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) June 2, 2012

just realized tom petty was not singing about a girl named mary jane, but rather drugs. i think i am going to be sick

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) April 30, 2013

Ricky Dean Gervais is an English atheist [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] and comedian [16] best know for h

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) March 31, 2013

i’m arguing with a 13-year-old on twitter. i have relatives i haven’t called in over a year

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) July 6, 2013

URGENT: IF YOU INSTAGRAM YOUR BALLOT DO NOT USE 1977 FILTER OR YOU WILL CAST VOTE FOR CARTER/MONDALE

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) November 6, 2012

martin looper king conspiracists speculate mlk was in fact shot by his younger self

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) January 21, 2013

big ups to god for mosquitoes good call on the mosquitoes you omnipresent dumb idiot

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) August 10, 2013

i always say “happy holidays” just in case you celebrate toyotathon instead of honda days

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) December 25, 2012

daniel day lewis is at the park right now. owner saying its dog but i know its daniel preparing for role as a dog. i am petting mr. lewis

— rob whisman (@robwhisman) April 22, 2013