Follow Friday: @Pete_Schultz

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Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we’ll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist.

(If you’re reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)

Peter Schultz (@Pete_Schultz), is an SNL Weekend Update writer and UCB person that has entertained twitter folk with a slew of funny tweets. It’s time to find out more about Peter.

He can never really enjoy the Game of Thrones books.

When you read the sex scenes in Game of Thrones, you can practically feel George R. R. Martin’s hot breath on your neck.

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) May 29, 2012

I am “just had to google what twerking is” years old.

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) July 24, 2013

Man, the signers of the Declaration of Independence must have been pretty nervous before they clicked “send”.

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) July 4, 2013

A-Rod has made the odd choice to come out to the song “BOOOOO!” by Everybody.

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) August 10, 2013

No one ever saw Bigfoot, but lots of people seen him.

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) June 3, 2012

White Smoke (R) 1987. White Det. John Smoke (Val Kilmer) goes undercover to foil a plot to blow up conclave in the 2195 all-black Vatican.

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) March 13, 2013

Most adulterers in the 80s got caught because the saxophone was too loud.

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) August 26, 2012

I’m embarrassed to admit that I did really think that Jason Bourne was the whole story.

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) August 10, 2012

When I saw Pitch Black back in 2000, I remember thinking “That was ok, but I sure could use a few more decades of this Riddick character.”

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) August 15, 2013

If you’re the character in a Hallmark movie who doesn’t believe in magic, prepare to be so wrong.

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) October 29, 2012

The logo for M. Night Shyamalan’s production company should just be the Rotten Tomatoes green splatter.

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) June 3, 2013

Fuck Marry Kill is both a game and the progression of a Dateline episode.

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) July 18, 2013

“I’ll do it!” - LL Cool J answering his phone

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) April 8, 2013

How many pillows are enough, women’s beds?

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) February 23, 2013

Wait, who has been watching George Zimmerman’s neighborhood this whole time???

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) July 14, 2013

Prop 8 overturned! Still looks like an 8, though.

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) June 26, 2013

#SignsYoSonIsGay He creates a homophobic hashtag as a smokescreen .

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) October 19, 2012

Can’t wait til this election is over and I can go back to forgetting which of my facebook friends has opinions that make me uncomfortable.

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) September 12, 2012

Welcome to Florida. Feel free to shoot anything that isn’t a Manatee.

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) July 14, 2013

Wait- I thought the mayor of San Diego was a sea lion in a Billabong tank top?

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) August 23, 2013

Labor Day is a good time to reflect on how lucky we are to live in a country that doesn’t throw extraneous u’s into words.

— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) September 2, 2013