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emmys 2013

The Fug Girls Live-Blog the Emmys Red Carpet

No rest for the wicked: Fashion Week is barely over, and already the Emmys are rolling out the red-carpet catwalk. Will any of the gowns we saw on the runway make an appearance alongside Ryan Seacrest (or, in a much more interesting twist, on him)? Did Christina Hendricks find something at Carolina Herrera or Jenny Packham that will wrangle her formidable bosom? Did Giuliana Rancic and Kelly Osbourne learn anything from sitting front row, or will they still proclaim everything "gorgeous" and pry awkwardly into everyone's diets before making them jam their hands into E!'s freaky mani-cam contraption? Is there anything as delicious as an awards-show red-carpet extravaganza? Probably — but join us as we live-blog the festivities, and find out. Also, see all these looks captured over at Vulture's comprehensive Emmys red carpet gallery. (And now that the red carpet is over, join Matt Zoller Seitz for his live blog of the ceremony!)

 The Fug Girls Live-Blog the 2013 Emmys Red Carpet(09/22/2013) 
6:01
The Fug Girls: 
Oh, Ryan. We're thrilled to be reunited with you at least. We can't wait to see who you chase down the red carpet THIS year.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:01 The Fug Girls
6:03
The Fug Girls: 
Tracy Morgan is the first guest, which is perhaps not what we would have anticipated. He notes that he wants "the biggest" wedding and that he owns a Hammerhead shark. And then he starts screaming about Jacques Cousteau. And then he threatens to feed Ryan to said shark. So...that happened.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:03 The Fug Girls
6:05
The Fug Girls: 
We hate to break it to you guys, but the Mani Cam is back, and now E! has added "the Mani Gram," wherein celebrities text in photos of their possibly hideous nails. Whither the Shoe Cam? Don't we care more about shoes than nails? (Don't we??)
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:05 The Fug Girls
6:08
The Fug Girls: 
Because no celebs have arrived, Giuliana is yapping about her kajiliion dollar ring and its attendant bodyguard and her dress and her "Nutella-colored hair" -- Ryan's terminology, which makes us want to go to breakfast at Ryan's, potentially, for the Nutella toast -- and blah blah blah Giuliana Giuliana Giuliana!
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:08 The Fug Girls
6:14
The Fug Girls: 
Heidi Klum is wearing what appears to be a red Bedazzled neck brace, which somehow feels so right; Giuliana then spends twenty minutes talking to Betsy Brant -- in a nude/copper Alice + Olivia which calls for more lipstick than she's wearing -- about how hot Heidi is. Betsy is very genial about the entire thing. Not genial? Aubrey Plaza, who looks like an evil/depressed governess is a tragic lace black thing. In the background, Jessica Pare arrives in what we think is a fresh-off-the-runway Oscar de la Renta.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:14 The Fug Girls
6:16
The Fug Girls: 
Ryan has Zooey Deschanel in a perhaps slightly too-snug J Mendel and a seriously ginormous Chanel ring that we would possibly steal should we find ourselves in a room alone with it. We learn during this segment that Ryan spends a lot of time talking about Jess and Nick dating on New Girl, and Zooey confesses that she is having "so much fun" on the show. Like she'd pop up at the Emmys and be like, "Ryan, I'm miserable and need to get out of that contract. Stab me in the face, Ryan. I'm so over New Girl."
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:16 The Fug Girls
6:19
The Fug Girls: 
Zosia Mamet is wearing custom Honor and it is really extremely problematic, with what can only be described as a boob plate. It's like an errant dickie and we want to run up to her and rip it right off her. She does remind Giuliana that her name is NOT pronounced "Zozzzzzia," which is a tragic shame, and then she also uses the phrase, "go down on" like seven times (not about herself personally, in terms of the crazy stories people tell her on the streets, about their sex lives, because she's on Girls), and you know Standards and Practices is dying right now. As is Giuliana.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:19 The Fug Girls
6:20
The Fug Girls: 
Kelly just said the words "crotch cam." PLEASE don't give them ideas, Kelly.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:20 The Fug Girls
6:28
The Fug Girls: 
And we're back! Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn won for best reality show host -- beating Ryan, who is genial about that -- and they shame Ryan for saying her Versace is purple when it is clearly more pomegrante. Duh, Ryan. She actually would look great if the dress didn't include a giant neck brace.  Off getting her pictures taken is Anna Gunn, who looks very pretty in a black and (we think) blush two piece. Elisabeth Moss is also in the house -- blonde again, and in black and white, but we can't see enough of the dress to really make a call on how she actually looks. Her head looks good?
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:28 The Fug Girls
6:28
The Fug Girls: 
Ryan and Eric Stonesteet are talking about his inner-nostril zit. Hollywood glamour, people. Hollywood glamour.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:28 The Fug Girls
6:34
The Fug Girls: 
The second of the approximately 90 nominated Modern Family actors is with Ryan: Jesse Tyler Ferguson. He's in a lace jacket that he said he inititally thought was "pushing the gay thing a little too far," but we would argue more that it's pushing lace too far.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:34 The Fug Girls
6:36
The Fug Girls: 
Yeah, we've decided we appreciate what the lace is trying to do, but sometimes it's just unwise to mess with a classic tux. Meanwhile, Taylor Schilling of "Orange Is The New Black" has on a white dress that's open at the sides -- pretty simple and safe for your first big dance.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:36 The Fug Girls
6:36
The Fug Girls: 
Tina Fey, we just saw from above, more or less, and she's in blue and we can't tell if it's any good -- but boy, her cleavage is out to great effect. At least from that angle. The E! jib gets to be so pervy.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:36 The Fug Girls
6:38
The Fug Girls: 
Anna Gunn's is still good in close-up -- the lace bodice is great on her (she beats Jesse Tyler Ferguson). She jokes that there's a musical number at the end of Breaking Bad's finale. And 30 Rock's Katrina Bowden pops by, marking what we believe may be the last time in a long time we see Katrina Bowden at an awards show. Her gown has a lot of bling on it that felt sort of tired and inexpensive.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:38 The Fug Girls
6:39
[Comment From CHCH: ] 
Michelle Dockery is wearing lovely red, but it looks a lot like Nicole Kidman's 2007 Oscar gown...
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:39 CH
6:40
The Fug Girls: 
We thought the same, CH! But the other way around -- wasn't Kidman's bow in the front? So long ago.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:40 The Fug Girls
6:44
The Fug Girls: 
Modern Family Night with Ryan Seacrest continues, this time with our beloved Phil Dunphy. His jacket is grey -- he and Ryan looks like twinsies, basically. Other guys we've seen are Jim Parsons and Aaron Paul, who both look exactly like Jim Parsons and Aaron Paul.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:44 The Fug Girls
6:45
The Fug Girls: 
Tina Fey crashes the interview, in an electric blue Narciso that is inciting much debate here about whether it's too right.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:45 The Fug Girls
6:47
The Fug Girls: 
We got a glimpse of Kiernan Shipka, in a floral bodice and a floral skirt with a tulle overlay that has... glittery flowers on it, and... we love her and we're glad she's being a kid, but this might be the first thing she's ever worn that has us making those hands-over-mouth concerned expressions.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:47 The Fug Girls
6:48
The Fug Girls: 
Taylor Schilling has a custom Thakoon, and she's talking about being cut from "Argo" as Ben Affleck's wife. Apparently Jennifer Garner was super nice to her. Which is good. Be nice to the girl who got cut from the Best Picture Oscar winner, because you know that sucked for her.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:48 The Fug Girls
6:48
The Fug Girls: 
Er, trypo: We were discussing whether Tina's dress is too TIGHT, not too right. Our fingers are over-caffeinated and live-blogs stop for no errors.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:48 The Fug Girls
6:49
The Fug Girls: 
Wow, and a typo when trying to type the word "typo" -- are we fired yet?
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:49 The Fug Girls
6:49
[Comment From CHCH: ] 
Kiernan Shipka is so pretty, but I feel like she's on the cusp of making a jump towards more grown up formal wear. I wish she'd worn something more grown-up (though nothing as prom-y as Ariel Winter's dress)...
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:49 CH
6:52
The Fug Girls: 
Leslie Mann has on a cool black and grey halter gown, and Mayim Bialik is in emerald green. Bialik has particular relgious-based rules about how much skin she shows, and the dress so far seems like a flattering handling of those rules. It's strapless with netting up to her neck and down to her elbows, with sparkles at the waist, shoulders, and elbows. Maybe too much of the glitter, but otherwise, we approve, and no, we're not going to say, "In our opinionation." Wait, shoot. There we go.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:52 The Fug Girls
6:52
[Comment From GuestGuest: ] 
WHY IS SHEER A THING?! Mayim Bialk would look so fab and chic if she got rid of that excess netting.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:52 Guest
6:52
The Fug Girls: 
See above re: her particular fashion rules.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:52 The Fug Girls
6:52
[Comment From RachelRachel: ] 
Kiernan Shipka's only thirteen. I love how she always looks both fabulous and young. No need for her to wear adult formalwear yet.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:52 Rachel
6:53
The Fug Girls: 
We tend to agree, although we weren't sure this particular youthful choice was as great as usual. It felt a little like a crafting table accident. But it's always tough to tell on E!.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:53 The Fug Girls
6:55
The Fug Girls: 
Seacrest gets another man, this time Bryan Cranston, on Sausage Fest with Ryan Seacrest. It's weird to see him with hair; we're so used to Walter White now.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:55 The Fug Girls
6:56
The Fug Girls: 
Jewel is there, for Reasons. She's got a pink-backed dress with gold glitter detail and great lipstick. It's very fetching. And then Mindy Kaling pops up in eggplant with a bejeweled bodice and we both give it very enthusiastic eyebrows-up (we can't use our thumbs on account of the typing).
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:56 The Fug Girls
6:57
The Fug Girls: 
Christina Hendricks might look awesome. She's in Christian Siriano -- in our opinion, the only designer who's done justice to her figure in the past -- and it's black and lacy on the shoulders, fitted at the bust but not squished. Everything is wrangled. We'll see what the tale of the photos tells, but from here, we're quite excited.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:57 The Fug Girls
6:59
[Comment From JaredJared: ] 
I'm a dude. I like Geoffrey's tie.
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:59 Jared
6:59
[Comment From StefanieMarieStefanieMarie: ] 
Im loving all the statement earrings!
Sunday September 22, 2013 6:59 StefanieMarie
7:01
The Fug Girls: 
Melissa Rauch from Big-Bang Theory had on turquoise ones with her purple dress -- which was pretty, actually. She may end up being one of the more memorable ones once this night is over. Meanwhile, Ryan gets Cobie Smulders, who is in... blush? Champagne? It's a total snore and doesn't flatter her bustline at all. It's J. Mendel, for the record, although J. Mendel might not want that on the record.
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:01 The Fug Girls
7:04
The Fug Girls: 
Carrie Underwood is there performing, which seems strange because it's CBS and Carrie sings on NBC's Sunday Night Football AND on their live "Sound of Music" extravapalooza in December. Anna Faris has popped up next to Giuliana in canary yellow Lhuillier, which is not doing much for her skin tone but is a pretty dress. We feel like maybe Anna Faris needs to let go of bangs, as a concept.
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:04 The Fug Girls
7:06
The Fug Girls: 
Sausage Fest with Ryan Seacrest welcomes Jimmy Kimmel, as Alec Baldwin wanders out of his limo in sunglasses and suave silvery hair. He brought his daughter Ireland, and Kimmel vacates his spot on the Fest for Michael Douglas, who is wearing a feathered cape and a g-string. By which we mean, a tux.
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:06 The Fug Girls
7:08
The Fug Girls: 
And, more dudes: Jim Parsons, who is getting fan-guy'd by Michael Douglas, who says he wants the cameras to see them shaking hands so that his kids will know they met. "That was a good first meeting with him," Jim says dryly. "I don't think I said a nice thing about him to him."
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:08 The Fug Girls
7:09
The Fug Girls: 
For a second we thought Ryan called NPH "Neil Patrick Hosting," and then we realized that should actually just be his name.
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:09 The Fug Girls
7:11
The Fug Girls: 
Finally, Giuliana is back -- wait, did we just say that? -- and she's got Elisabeth Moss. The dress is black and white and glittering with beading, and it's lovely. But no matter how many times Giuliana says, "The stars love doing [the mani-cam]," it doesn't erase the skeptical, often terrified expressions of the celebrity who is being forced to walk their fingers through it. E.Moss brought her mother, who is wearing Valentino. They make a sweet pair.
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:11 The Fug Girls
7:12
[Comment From deltadawndeltadawn: ] 
Not fashion related, but priceless: on the CBS online live stream, you just missed the presenter (whoever she is), asking Will Arnett what his wife's rituals before the Emmys are, "especially as she's nominated again". Arnett: "None, as ...I don't... have... a significant other anymore...". Beautiful.
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:12 deltadawn
7:13
The Fug Girls: 
We got a glimpse of Lena Dunham and it made our hearts cold -- we need to see more before we say more. And Kaley Cuoco arrived in what MIGHT be her actual own hair.
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:13 The Fug Girls
7:19
The Fug Girls: 
Oh, Amy Poehler. You're better than whatever this black schmatta is that you're wearing, and we just spied the bond of one of your hair extensions sticking out. You are the best and we need Tina Fey to come running up to fix that right now. Come on, Tina. Come save your friend and her errant extension. Also, you two: PLEASE host the Globes.
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:19 The Fug Girls
7:22
The Fug Girls: 
Carrie Underwood looks just like Carrie Underwood in a purple Romona Keveza, and she talks AT LENGTH about how stressed she is about playing Maria in the live Sound of Music that NBC is doing. Not as nervous as we are about how terrible that might be, Carrie. On the other end of the carpet, Allison Williams looks tremendous in a very simple blue Ralph Lauren. She notes that her jewelry is Fred Leighton, so it's "old and beautiful." She does NOT add, "like you, Giuliana."
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:22 The Fug Girls
7:23
The Fug Girls: 
Claire Danes has bobbed her hair. We repeat, Claire Danes has bobbed her hair.  And Damian Lewis is BALD, SHAVED BALD. What is HAPPENING on Homeland this season?!
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:23 The Fug Girls
7:25
The Fug Girls: 
We got so distracted by Homeland's Hair Situation that we forgot to tell you that Ryan, continuing Sausage Fest With Ryan Seacrest, chatted up Michael J Fox, who was exactly as you'd imagine: charming and wonderful. He continues to be our density.
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:25 The Fug Girls
7:30
The Fug Girls: 
And we're back with Lena Dunham, wearing a floral something or other, and as she starts yapping to Ryan, Claire Danes totally photobombs her, steals the mic from Ryan and starts interviewing her. It's quite charming -- Claire uses the word "wackadoodle" -- even though Claire's dress is doing her chest NO FAVORS and Lena is sporting Michael Stipe's old eye makeup.
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:30 The Fug Girls
7:32
The Fug Girls: 
PS: You clearly want to see ALL the red carpet looks in this exhaustive and wonderful slideshow.  Do it!
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:32 The Fug Girls
7:33
The Fug Girls: 
Jon Hamm's giant beard + sunglasses = "I'm not going to win this freaking thing again." Connie Britton is sporting a very snug velvet Naeem Khan and her usual Connie Britton hair, and she refuses to allow Giuliana to touch any of her jewels, in a way that is kind of Not Kidding At All.
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:33 The Fug Girls
7:37
The Fug Girls: 
So....Will Arnett and Ryan Secreast are wearing the exact same thing. If only this were intentional.  Malin Akerman looks totally bridal, and has that "I'm here plugging my new TV show" look on her face. Meanwhile, Giuliana has Aaron Paul and his mother, and really, really wants to know what it would be like if he and his new bride had a reality show. He is extremely sweet about how much he loves her, and Giuliana totally is all, "more men should be like you, BILL."
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:37 The Fug Girls
7:39
The Fug Girls: 
Julia Louis-Dreyfus looks amazing in a very, very spangly and sparkly strapless column. We need her to write a book called How Not To Age With Elaine Benes, because she sincerely has not. At all. She might be aging backwards.
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:39 The Fug Girls
7:44
The Fug Girls: 
Continuing the ENDLESS PARADE of Modern Family, Ryan has Julie Bowen who says "there's been a serious lack of carbohydrates" to fit into her dress and then tells him that the "starvation" has been fun. Maybe the lack of calories has gotten to her brain, because the dress is -- we're sorry, Zac Posen -- a bit too twee for her.
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:44 The Fug Girls
7:46
The Fug Girls: 
The amount of times E! has mentioned that Modern Family is in syndication starting next week makes us think that E! OWNS Modern Family. In other news, January Jones is in a custom Givenchy which is truly awful on her. It's the color of dusty curtains.
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:46 The Fug Girls
7:47
The Fug Girls: 
We only got a super-fast look at Kate Mara, but whatever she was wearing appears to have been stolen from Rooney. We also got a quick look at Jane Krakowski, who has a very cute blunt bob now, and Juliana Margulies, whose skirt has an ink-blot (?) flower (?) print (?).
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:47 The Fug Girls
7:53
The Fug Girls: 
Sofia Vergara's wearing red, and she looks like Sofia Vergara. Just imagine what Sofia Vergara would look like in a red gown and you know what she looks like. She has also brought literally 20 people with her.  No matter how we try to fight it, we can't help it: Sofia Vergara is very charming. Also charming? Julia Louis Dreyfus just unintentionally photobombed the mani-cam. That was hilarious. Please make a gif of that, someone.
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:53 The Fug Girls
7:56
The Fug Girls: 
"I didn't mean to. I think I might have," JLD tells Giuliana when asked about her mani-cam appearance. She's in Monique Lhuillier, and we must tell you that she is doing a lot of the heavy-lifting in this interview. Giuliana asks her if she's similar to her character on Veep, and JLD basically says, "no, you lunatic, that character is a disaster," except in the most tactful way possible.
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:56 The Fug Girls
7:58
[Comment From LaurenLauren: ] 
Love Sofia, but that ring looks like the jewel Britney thought the old lady dropped into the ocean at the end.
Sunday September 22, 2013 7:58 Lauren
8:02
The Fug Girls: 
And, that's it. Giuliiana claims it was a "non-stop red carpet" with "non-stop manicures," which makes it sound like someone was giving speedy mani-pedis right there, which is probably going to be what happens next year. And that is it for the Emmys red carpet/Ryan Secreast's Sausage Fest/Modern Family's Modern Familyaton on E!. Make sure you switch over to Vulture's live-blog of the awards show for all of those shenanigans, and thanks for hanging out with us this afternoon!
Sunday September 22, 2013 8:02 The Fug Girls
8:02