Alex Semmelmeyer is my future husband but since he’s the punter of the football team he’s too busy to know I exist! But that’s OK because here’s what I did today to make him realize I was born and one day he’s going to raise four babies with me:
• I stood outside his Bio class and when he walked out I talked really loudly about Peyton Manning so he would be interested and look in my direction.
• I stuffed notes in his locker that were anonymous but were in my really distinct poetic voice.
• I stood outside his Gov class and talked really loudly about Archie Manning so he would be interested and talk to me.
• I went up to him and asked him if he knew anyone named Julia to see if he would say “Isn’t your name Julia?”
• I made a cake for everyone in the class so he wouldn’t know it was just for him but then I wrote “I Love You Alex” in the frosting so maybe he would guess it was.
• I stood outside his Pre-Calc class and talked really loudly about applying to Ole Miss so he would think, “Oh, Eli Manning went there!” and ask me on a date.
• I gave a really good presentation on the Siege of Rome. That was mostly to impress my teacher, but Alex seemed to enjoy it.
• I got a summer internship at the NFL offices so word would get around and he would be like, “Wow that’s really amazing,” and he would be jealous and that jealousy would manifest as deep love.
• I stood outside his English class and yelled “ALEX ALEX ALEX ALEX” so he would be interested and ask me to homecoming.
Blythe Roberson is a writer and improviser living in New York. Her Twitter handle/how she explains her name to people is @blythelikehappy.
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