Follow Friday: @BassoonJokes (Chris Parker)


A lot of Twitter users take to the platform to test out their latest jokes and quips, but certain people truly excel at making us laugh with the available characters and constraints. With the Internet being such a big place, it can be difficult to find the comedians most worthy of your RTs and favs. Each Friday we feature one person whose consistent short-form online humor deserves your attention and to be on your Twitter feed.

(If you’re reading this from an RSS feed, you might want to come on over to the website so you can see the tweets.)

This week, we’re recommending the Twitter feed of Chris Parker (@BassoonJokes), a Connecticut-based comedy writer who’s racked up thousands of followers with his absurdist tweets. In addition to being funny on Twitter, Parker is also a contributing writer for the online humor publication The Impersonals and runs a Tumblr that’s just as funny as his Twitter feed.

Check out a collection of @BassoonJokes’ best tweets below:

Autocorrect kept changing Karl Marx to TJ Maxx in my essay about TJ Maxx— Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) November 12, 2012
It’s the end of the world. I hold 2 vaccines to save humanity. I inject one into myself, and I pour the other out for the homies. — Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) November 24, 2012
i just drank so much gatorade i could literally kick a basketball right now, or however sports work or whatever — Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) July 16, 2013
the weed joke 420 has been adjusted for inflation, please use 531 as the new weed joke — Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) January 8, 2013
On my first trek into the Amazon jungle, a decrepit Axel Rose pops out of a bush and screams YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE??????????????????? — Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) December 17, 2012
I’m always getting Christianity and Mountain Dew mixed up. — Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) January 11, 2013
attn: @BachmanTurner - how much money does it cost to have you guys follow me around singing takin care of business at the office — Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) November 1, 2013
Let’s just say I was born ready for this shutdown — Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) October 1, 2013
my feet were in my shoes the whole time! — Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) September 3, 2013
please bury my withering remains in gluten free dirt if you respect me — Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) September 17, 2013
Bob Hope on stage in Vietnam: “how about Miley Cyrus at a Taco Bell? They should call it Twerko Bell! Come home safe, guys” — Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) October 4, 2013
man finally gets around to finish listening to Dark Side Of The Moon in its entirety. “yeah it’s alright, i guess” he blogs.— Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) October 7, 2013
Sherlock Holmes was the Michael Jordan of having friends named Watson.— Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) October 12, 2013
I wish Crystal Head Vodka was called “Dan Aykroyd’s Tears” — Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) October 19, 2013
Be the “cool house” on the block this Halloween. Dress like a spider and give out copies of the Warren commission report instead of candy. — Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) October 24, 2013
How do I jailbreak my e-cig? — Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) February 5, 2013
the scene in the Godfather with the horse head but when he pulls back the covers he finds a hot Denny’s grand slam breakfast all for just $5— Bassoon Jokes (@BassoonJokes) October 28, 2013