Twelve performances is a lot for six people. It seemed tough on all of them, even the judges. Everyone had one song that was pretty wack; Xtina was drunk for the first time all year; Adam had petty jealousies that he set to the music of his life.
Cole Vosbury, “Rich Girl”
Cole did a fabulous job with this. He is like a machine that cannot fail. I might prefer the clear-eyed sincerity of the original Daryl performance, but Cole managed to sound both disinterested and amused in his rendition — no easy feat! Side note, they do not bleep out bitch anymore on prime-time television. I am sort of offended by that and I don’t know why.
Tessanne Chin, “Redemption Song”
This was just the weirdest. Tessanne originally wanted to sing “Redemption Song” in a perfectly normal way but then Adam was like, “No, you have to belt it and put runs in it like Idina Menzel,” so Tessanne did that, and the end result was so corny. It ruined the pathos and melody of the song. Why do there have to be runs and high notes in every song? Not every song in opera is the “Queen of the Night Aria”!
Also, when Xtina started telling that weird story about her “tour guide in Jamaica,” I changed the channel out of embarrassment.
Mathew Schuler, “Story of My Life”
Sure, this was a blatant grab for the teens, but personally I loved this because I am really a teen. Now you know. Matthew injected so much emotion into this dumb song. When a song by “One Direction” is more emotional than “Redemption Song,” we have a problem!
Then, there was a very odd sequence in the Sprint Skybox called Ask Carson, in which the American public was implored to ask Carson any question they ever had, like he is the modern-day Marilyn Vos Savant. It led to Xtina drunkenly explaining what Blake did on Thanksgiving.
Will Champlin, “A Change Is Gonna Come”
I have decided that Adam hates Will. He always gives him the most passive-aggressive comments, like, “You were Icarus and you flew too close to the sun!” or “Berklee? That’s where I wanted to go.” Will definitely did overstretch himself here. He could not hit some of those high notes at the end so Adam’s plan is working.
James Wolpert, “Fell in Love With a Girl”
This was a very original rendition of this song. It was clipped and odd as if the butler for the Duke of Marlborough sang Jack White on a stage in front of America. I loved it!
Jacqui Lee, “Cry Baby”
This was great. Xtina was so drunk she climbed up onto the stage and made everyone look at Jacqui’s mike stand that she accidentally knocked over.
Cole Vosbury, “Better Man”
I WISH THIS WERE PEARL JAM’S “BETTER MAN.” I literally could not stop thinking that, on repeat, the entire time Cole was singing this Jim Morrison song. Probably Eddie Vedder, the Sean Penn of singing, doesn’t want his songs on This Is the Voice, but I don’t care. Can I start a petition for Cole Vosbury to sing Pearl Jam? I will put it on Change.org.
Tessanne Chin, “Unconditionally”
This was good! Tessanne is so good when Adam is not “helping” her.
Mathew Schuler, “When a Man Loves a Woman”
Aside from the occasional pitch problem, Matthew really wowed me on this song. Honestly, I thought he was excellent last night on everything he sang, yet according to the iTunes charts he will probably get kicked off tonight. Good-bye, fellow teen! I will see you at the Mall of America!
Will Champlin, “Hey Brother”
Part 2 of Adam’s passive-aggressive plan to ruin Will Champlin’s career was making him sing this horrific banjo song by Avicii. I didn’t get it at all and it was terrible. Later, Adam had to explain to Blake why he chose the song in a very tense way. Then, Blake was like, “Wow, banjo.” Plan complete!
Jacqui Lee, “The Voice Within”
Jacqui really is a petite Christina Aguilera. It struck me so much during this performance. They have a very similar range and Xtina used to love singing old soul songs she didn’t understand as well. Xtina kept rambling on about herself in her comments, so she seems to think this as well.
James Wolpert, “I Would Do Anything for Love”
A person Adam is not trying to ruin, however, is James “I Did Theater in High School” Wolpert. Adam LOVES James and James is really flourishing under such devotion, acquitting himself quite well on Meatloaf, aside from a wonky ending.
And that’s our show! Come now, who is going to get kicked off tonight? A prodigal son, obviously, but which!
