Goofy to Regretful: A Taxonomy of Celebrity Mugshots

By
Image

Earlier today, news broke of Justin Bieber’s DUI arrest. Shortly after, this half gleefully oblivious, half “uh-oh” mugshot was released. But where does it fit in the grand tradition of celebrity mugshots? We looked back through history — all the way back to Steve McQueen’s black-and-white (s)mug — and created this helpful taxonomy. Which celebs were goofs, which were regretful, which were too inebriated to be either?

The Goof Mug
Sometimes the offending celebrity is just tickled by the whole thing. As if to say, “Hahaha. Like a celebrity is going to go to jail.” (Disclaimer: They also might be very stoned.)

Image
Robert Downey Jr., Justin Bieber, Shia LaBeouf

The “I’m On the Verge of Tears Here” Mug
Just like you or I, after being arrested, a celebrity might break into tears. (
Stars! They’re Just Like Us!) This is what you call a normal, healthy reaction. Unfortunately, their mugshots are also posted on the Internet, which is not normal.

Image
Heather Locklear, Jaime Pressly, Marilyn Manson

The “Oh God I Need to Look Good” Mug
A photo’s a photo and these celebrities have been followed by paparazzi long enough to know how to bring it, regardless of the situation.

Image
Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Christian Slater

The (S)Mug
It’s that confident smirk. It says, “Do you know who I am? Do you want me to sign the photo when you’re done?”

Image
Steve McQueen, Nicole Richie, Matthew McConaughey

The “Where Am I?” Mug
The mugshot that slurs, “Do you know who I am? Seriously. I can’t remember.” (Disclaimer: They are definitely very stoned. Or drunk.)

Image
Macaulay Culkin, Vince Vaughn

A Mug Full of Regret
… Or is the mug half empty? There’s a thin line between appearing full of regret and just completely messed up, but we’d like to assume that these faces are ones of those who would rather they not get in trouble again.

Image
Tim Allen, Reese Witherspoon, Ozzy Osbourne
Bieber and Before: A Taxonomy of Celeb Mugshots