the last thing you see before you die

The Many Kill-Faces of Liam Neeson

This Friday, Non-Stop hits theaters, and moviegoers worldwide will be treated to one of cinema’s greatest treasures: Liam Neeson’s murder-face. For decades (and especially since 2008’s Taken, when he made abruptly growly voiced executions his main thing), Neeson’s sneer has been the last thing his characters’ foes have seen before hurtling off into bad-guy heaven. But Neeson (or “Neesons,” if you’re a true fan) isn’t a one-note actor. His murder-faces are nuanced and varied, and we’ve analyzed a potpourri of them. We’ve assigned a “sneer quotient” for each on a scale of one to ten, with one being “he’s gentle and regretful” and ten being “you tried to kill his daughter.” Look at our annotated slideshow now. If you don’t, we will look for you, we will find you, and we will kill you.

MOVIE: Gangs of New York TARGET: Non-Irish gang members WEAPON: Sword and a really big crucifix SNEER QUOTIENT: 8. Liam’s obviously blood-lusting, but doesn’t he also look sort of irritated that he has to waste time with this killing nonsense? You can’t really blame him: As Priest Vallon, homeboy is very busy; in the movie’s opening scene, he chops down at least a dozen people in less than three minutes before getting martyred. It’s a rare instance of Neeson not getting the upper hand, but being killed by Daniel Day-Lewis is an honor for any actor, so it’s all good.
MOVIE: Unknown TARGET: Guy who was part of a plot to erase Neeson’s character’s identity WEAPON: Shard of broken glass SNEER QUOTIENT: 5.5. Sure, it seems like he’s enjoying himself as he gets this goon in the jugular, but he looks a wee bit passive about it. His mouth is only kinda contorted and his eyebrows are weirdly out of sync. He’s sort of halfway between looking like he’s killing somebody and looking like he’s having a particularly intense argument over Gchat.
MOVIE: Taken TARGET: Guy who sold his daughter into sex slavery WEAPON: His trusty (and endlessly loaded) handgun SNEER QUOTIENT: 9.5. It’s hard to look at this one without your fight-or-flight instinct kicking in. It’s a thing of beauty. And it’s not even his most contorted sneer! Contortion can only take you so far in the Neeson-sneer game. This face conveys two emotions: He’s furious with you, but he also pities you, like you’re the lowest possible scum, not even deserving of said fury. He almost looks like he’s gonna cry! You made him so angry that he might cry, and that is some next-level anger for stoic ol’ Mr. Neeson.
MOVIE: The Grey TARGET: A bunch of wolves WEAPON: Glass shards strapped to his fists SNEER QUOTIENT: 8. He’s so pissed off, it’s like that big fat cut on his face isn’t even bothering him anymore. Bags under his eyes, frostbite nipping at his forehead, little chance of success, but he’s determined to eff up some canines. Who’s the real animal here, man? Think about it.
MOVIE: Taken 2 TARGET: Miscellaneous Albanian mobsters WEAPON: Trusty handgun SNEER QUOTIENT: 7. Not only does he look mad, he looks so focused that he just might succeed at hitting your car from like 40 feet away while his daughter drives a car at a billion miles per hour. But he does get some added help from the very artsy-fartsy directorial choice to use foreshortening, which makes his hand look twice as big as his face.
MOVIE: Darkman TARGET: Wealthy industrialist who double-crossed him WEAPON: Tall building and gravity SNEER QUOTIENT: 1. True, it must be difficult to make any kind of facial expression with that kind of ridiculous prosthetic on one side of your face, but come on. The baddie might be falling to his death, but Neeson looks like he’s falling asleep! (Thank you, we’ll be here all week.)
MOVIE: Taken TARGET: Vaguely Middle Eastern henchmen WEAPON: That delightful handgun again SNEER QUOTIENT: 8. Clearly, between doing Darkman and doing Taken, Neeson learned how to do a top-notch sneer with just the right half of his face available. This is the murder-face that all pets hiding under couches see in their worst nightmares.
MOVIE: Star Wars: Episode I—The Phantom Menace TARGET: Battle droids WEAPON: Green lightsaber SNEER QUOTIENT: 6.75. We have to give him the benefit of the doubt here, as shadows have obscured his countenance, but even through the darkness, there’s a surprising amount of sneer. He’s supposed to be a Jedi Master, all full of calm in the face of adversity and blah blah blah, so he mostly looks placid, but what keeps this murder-face above a 5 is the fact that he’s not even looking at the thing he just murdered. That’s scary enough to almost make you ignore his Fabio hair.
MOVIE: Kingdom of Heaven TARGET: Folks ambushing his lordly encampment WEAPON: broadsword SNEER QUOTIENT: 4. Remember this movie? Neither do we. And it almost looks like his character doesn’t, either. He’s some kind of medieval lord or something, but he almost seems giggly as he rides toward some raiding bad guys. The horse looks more pissed off than him.
MOVIE: Taken 2 TARGET: More Balkan mobsters WEAPON: Little mister handgun SNEER QUOTIENT: 9. This is sort of the Platonic Ideal of a Neeson murder-face, isn’t it? The gun’s at just the right placement in relation to his eyeline, one eyebrow is slightly more cocked than the other (but not so much that it looks weird), his lips are curled just enough to give him whatever the anger equivalent of dimples are, and you just know the job is about to get done, clean and simple. This is the model for the one they should etch into Mount Rushmore.
The Many Kill-Faces of Liam Neeson