Noah hits theaters this weekend and the Darren Aronofsky–directed version of the Bible tale will have all the expected elements: bad weather, a big boat, and many, many animals. (Two-by-two, as they say.) But in these modern times, why would we take a boring old spider when we could bring along … Spider-Man? Or why bring a normal cat when Garfield and Hello Kitty are very much available? We’ve made the Noah’s Ark of our pop-culture dreams, and we have no apologies for whom we’ve decided to save for that post-flood world. Check it out.