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it’s a dead man’s party

Would Game of Thrones Cast Members Attend a Wedding in Westeros?

So you’ve been invited to a wedding on Game of Thrones — and not just any wedding, but a royal wedding. If you’re up on the show, you'll want to think long and hard before you RSVP with a yes. Is the groom Dothraki? If so, you should decline, unless your idea of a good time jibes with the horselord belief that “a wedding without at least three deaths is considered a dull affair.” Is the wedding on Westeros? Be prepared to help strip the bride and groom after the ceremony to prepare them for their “bedding,” and, if King Joffrey’s involved, to laugh at the worst jokes imaginable. And whatever you do, run for the exit the second you hear “The Rains of Castermere” — but also know that it’s already too late to escape and you’re going to die.

Like the noble Westeros residents descending on King’s Landing for Joffrey and Margaery’s impending nuptials, Vulture beset Game of Thrones cast members at the recent party celebrating the series’ fourth-season premiere to ask what they’d do if they received an invitation to attend a wedding in George R.R. Martin land. Let’s just say they shared a healthy amount of hesitation regarding their RSVPs.

Pedro Pascal (Oberyn Martell)
“I would go, but I would hide in a corner.”

Charles Dance (Tywin Lannister)
“As long as I wasn't the bride or groom, it would be relatively safe. And I would have somebody taste the food for me — or I would eat before I went.”

Kristian Nairn (Hodor)
“If the food was nice, I’d think about it. Hodor likes the food, as do I. [But] I think I would RSVP a huge No, thank you! Can’t attend! Hodor regrets, but shall not attend! I don’t think it’s good for your health.”

Finn Jones (Ser Loras Tyrell)
“Wear good armor. Be prepared."

Sibel Kekilli (Shae)
“I would wear a bride’s dress, even if I’m just invited as a guest. And I would go and dance. I would not fear for my life!”

Conleth Hill (Varys)
“I would send a gift, but I wouldn’t go. A black dress or gown for the widow- or widower-to-be.”

Gwendoline Christie (Brienne of Tarth)
“I’d want to take one of those jeweled goblets, to make off with one of them. So I’d need to shove it in my handbag. But I don’t have a very big handbag, so there would be a bulge. If I got caught, I might end up losing a hand or something like that.”

Isaac Hempstead-Wright (Bran Stark)
“Avoid the wedding like the plague! Have nothing to do with it!”

Dean Charles Chapman (Tommen Baratheon)
“Send my regrets by dragon.”

Nathalie Emmanuel (Missandei)
“I’d be like, Guys, I got a load of translating to do, so I can’t stay. Daenerys’s dragons need me. They need attending.’’

John Bradley (Samwell Tarly)
“Weddings, they never ever go well. It’s like weddings in soap operas: If you think a wedding in a soap opera is going to go flawlessly well, then you’ve not been paying attention. Just don’t get married in Westeros!”

Photo: HBO