Donnie lived up to his reputation as a bit of a dope, then surpassed it for a few minutes, then circled right back around to being criminally idiotic.
The first bit of weirdness is that Donnie had no idea he was a monitor — he thought his work for Dr. Leekie was part of a longterm study of social metrics that he was recruited into in a college sociology class. If there is one thing you can be sure of it’s that your college professors forget you ever existed the minute they’re done grading your final exam, and Donnie really is the most gullible dude of all time. We know that Donnie and Alison went to college together, but wasn’t that a risky move on Leekie’s behalf to match them up? He had to have known Donnie was a bit basic; was his loyalty enough to make him a good fit for the job? I wonder if he had a hand in ensuring they stayed together to protect the monitor/clone relationship, knowing that Alison would enjoy dominating Donnie, who would always remain blissfully oblivious to the real job at hand. Leekie did say, “I gave you your wife,” after all. I think Donnie as monitor was a terrible idea that made Donnie a huge liability, but I’m not a diabolical scientist who creates fake wombs as a hobby so what do I know.
The second bit of weirdness is that Donnie blew Dr. Leekie’s head off. That’s So Donnie™! Like John Travolta in Pulp Fiction before him, Donnie accidentally shot Dr. Leekie to bits when he fumbled the gun while slamming his hands on the steering wheel. He was trying to confront Leekie about the lie he’s been living for the past 20-ish years after he stumbled upon Sarah and Alison together and learned about the clones. Did Donnie just solve everyone’s problems, or create a shitload of new ones?
Alison is busy dealing with problems of her own when she realizes that Victor is in cahoots with Detective DeAngelis. Even though she’s been looking forward to family visit day, she spends most of it trying to hide a viciously passed-out Victor with Felix after her counselor mistakenly takes Sarah down to the events. Felix is the one that drugged Victor, but now he’s going to miss his meeting with DeAngelis which is sure to raise alarms. Poor Victor; he’s just trying to atone to Sarah, rat out Alison, and move on with his life but he keeps getting caught in Sarah’s web. I mean, he sort of deserves it for his lifetime of assholery, but one thing I love about this show is that everyone gets a chance to start over, even the drug-dealing jerks. DeAngelis assumes Victor has blown her off; Felix and Alison eventually drag him to a place where he can be easily found, and everyone assumes he’s fallen off the wagon. Good luck with your next round of rehab, Victor!
Cosima is busy having Delphine inject her uterine masses with the new concoction, but freaks out when she overhears Delphine fighting with Scott and learns that the stem cells clearing up her bloody cough are Kira’s. Apparently Leekie harvested one of Kira’s teeth when it was knocked out in the car accident, and if you don’t cringe at the phrase “harvesting teeth,” you have a stronger resolve than I do. The only problem is that Delphine needs more of Kira’s cells since it’s a finite source, and Cosima is reluctant to use the kid as her own personal cancer-curing garden. Are they going to start chopping this kid up for long-term care? How many people would Kira’s kidney save, or her appendix? One of the early ethical arguments against cloning was this very thing – that people would use their clones to harvest organs when they fell ill – so it’s clever for the writers to work that into the show even if Kira isn’t a clone herself. OR IS SHE? She’s obviously not, but who knows what Clone 2.0 is, aside from clairvoyant and intuitive and mildly creepy. When Sarah goes back to get her after Cal figures out he’s being watched by Dyad, Kira overhears a conversation between Sarah and Cosima about the tooth. While Sarah and Cal argue about whether or not to let Kira donate her parts to Aunt Cosima for science, Kira is like, “Yo I got this!” She goes into the trailer, ties a string around her tooth, and rips that fucker out. This kid just went to No. 1 on my Creepy Shit list, even though every weirdo thing she does is in the service of her mom and aunts.
Leekie introduces us to new Dyad-heavy Marian Bowles and tells her that Duncan is alive; they agree to tell Rachel about it even though they agree she’s “taking things too personally lately” and Marian is concerned that Sarah seems to be the main reason their paths always cross. Rachel meets her dad with her usual coldness, but she does shed a tear. Whatever they talk about sets the wheels in motion for both Rachel and Marian to turn against Leekie. Marian says it “serves them right for putting a lab coat in the big chair,” and Rachel basically tells him to run away. He does, and Donnie uses his terrible timing and general clumsiness to rid everyone of the Leekie problem once and for all.
- When Duncan reveals that he has old-timey floppy discs with all of the missing science Dyad so desperately needs, Mrs. S tries to use it to strike a bargain with Leekie – leave Kira alone in exchange for the floppies and Duncan. With Leekie dead, who is going to get the discs? Does Rachel already know about them? Does Rachel already HAVE them?
- Do you know how long it takes to knit gloves? I can’t believe Victor just left them behind.
- Is it just me or were Felix’s lashes extra long last night?
- Have any nerds turned the Dyad building exterior into the framework for a crossword puzzle yet? And if not, why not?
- Paul. PAUL. What’s his usefulness now that Leekie is gone? Is he still going to play double agent, or just give over to Rachel?
- Is “tell me your hands have not been soaking in gruesomely fecund jelly!” the best or worst way to say hello to someone? Don’t answer that.
- Was Donnie’s “Don’t stammer or I’ll withhold affection” coupled with his complete lack of glitzy bling on his nametag the thing that pushed him over the edge? Everyone wants glitter, Alison!