Another Emmys has come and gone. Seth Meyers's first time as host moved along at an efficient clip, but the only real standout bit came not from Meyers, but from Billy Eichner. The big musical number? Again, not Meyers — that one went to Weird Al Yankovic. And the biggest laugh of the night was the soap-opera kiss between Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Bryan Cranston. If he hosts again, here's hoping Meyers adds in a little something special for himself. But there was more to the show than the host, of course. Here were the other highs and lows of the ceremony.
Low: So much goddamn diet talk on the red carpet. Most of the blame goes to E!, but also to society. What if next time, no one was asked about her diet? Her post-pregnancy weight loss? How skinny she is? Her body? Jeez Louise. Ask women about acting. That's why they're there!
High: "Best onscreen orgasm in a Civil War reenactment."
Low: Jimmy Kimmel riffing. It was funny, sure, but that's more of a host job — and he had his chance. It just seemed like whipping up a little something at someone else's dinner party.
High: Weird Al's theme songs. The sound design was a little wonky — Weird Al didn't quite sound big enough — but the jokes about quivering lips on Scandal were more than worth it.
High: Emmy edition of Billy on the Street. Especially when Billy accosted a woman and said, "You're a lesbian, do you watch Orange Is the New Black?" "I do, but I'm not a lesbian," the woman cheerfully replied. Everyone gets a dollar.
Low: Modern Family. No. Come on.
High: Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Bryan Cranston kissing. They planted the seed a few segments earlier, with JLD "forgetting" Cranston was on Seinfeld. Good thing she won — the payoff came with a major smooch.
Low: So many industry jokes. None of the rest of us care about your agents.
High: Woody Harrelson's McConaughey impression. The rest of their bit sort of dragged, but it's fun to see two stars ragging on each other. (Extra high for Harrelson acknowledging True Detective's recent plagiarism scuttlebutt.)
Low: Gwen Stefani not knowing how to pronounce "The Colbert Report." Lemons into lemonade style, though, Colbert whispering his speech to Jimmy Fallon was terrific.
Low: Sofia Vergara spinning on a pedestal. Come to Hollywood, where you, too, can be objectified, no matter how many Emmys your show is nominated for — you're just here to be a body. Ugh, this shit has got to stop.
High: I mean, low, certainly, but Billy Crystal's speech about Robin Williams was personal, moving, and elegantly crafted. "Robin Williams. What a concept." Oof.
High: A final hurrah for Breaking Bad. Best drama, lead actor, supporting actor, supporting actress, and writing — not too shabby.
High: Sarah Silverman. Particularly on the red carpet, but her "molecules hurtling through space" speech was solid, too.
Low: Orange Is the New Black went home empty-handed. That cannot possibly be right. (Uzo Aduba won a guest-actress award at the Creative Arts Emmys, though.)
Low: Those weird chimes that played during people's walk-to-the-stage music. Those chimes were hideous, like a ring tone gone evil. My ears will never be free of the ghost of those chimes.
Most Watched on Vulture
Most Viewed Stories
Call Me by Your Name Is a Masterpiece
Uma Thurman Taunts Harvey Weinstein in Thanksgiving Instagram
What’s New on Netflix: November 2017
25 Movies to See (or Skip) This Thanksgiving Weekend
The Real FBI Agents and Serial Killers Who Inspired Netflix’s Mindhunter
The 8 Most Catholic-School Things About Lady Bird
How Will CBS Replace Charlie Rose?
How Roy Wood Jr. Wrote the Best Joke About Colin Kaepernick’s Protest Without Ever Saying His Name
Let’s Talk About the Ending of Alias Grace
Annie Proulx Gave One of the Best National Book Award Speeches in Recent Memory
Latest News from VultureThe Many Deadly Layers of Björk’s Utopia
It’s deadly serious, but every message is delivered with a patient and delicate touch.Three-Time Host Erykah Badu on Why the Soul Train Awards Matter and Her Controversial Iggy Azalea Joke
Soul Train Awards host Erykah Badu explains why the show matters to her, and recalls her controversial Iggy Azalea joke.Godless Recap: The Journey
Even the weakest episode of Godless is still remarkably watchable.Uma Thurman Taunts Harvey Weinstein in Thanksgiving Instagram
“I’m glad it’s going slowly — You don’t deserve a bullet.”Godless Recap: The Song of the Bee
Jack O’Connell looks like he stepped out of a 1950s Western.Update: Seth Meyers Will Host the 2018 Golden Globes
Time to take a closer look at Hollywood’s tipsiest night.Godless Recap: The Paradise of the Locust
After two episodes, Godless is a show on the verge of being great.How to Stream the NFL Football Games on Thanksgiving
It’s Vikings vs. Lions, Chargers vs. Cowboys, and then, for the masochists, Giants vs. Redskins.Mr. Robot Recap: Moment of Truth
In the aftermath of the Dark Army’s attack, there’s no guarantee that the good guys will ever win.Makeup Artist Says Jeffrey Tambor ‘Forcibly Kissed’ Her on Set in 2001
“He grabbed me out of nowhere and kissed me on the lips,” makeup artist Tamara Delbridge claims.
The accuser, Sarah Gordon, says the incident occurred when she was interning for Rose in 2002.Call Me by Your Name Is a Masterpiece
Everything in the movie registers momentously.Spike Lee’s She’s Gotta Have It Is a Scattered, Playful Remake
Lee does his thing, and you can take it or leave it.Here’s How Comedian Aparna Nancherla Calms Her Brain Before Shows
Along with a story about the time she did a set at a sex-trafficking fundraiser.25 Movies to See (or Skip) This Thanksgiving Weekend
Ranging from movies to see with kids to your dad — or to inflict psychological damage on your loved ones.6 Food and Cooking-Themed Podcasts for You to Savor
From cuisine-based comedy to gourmet philosophizing.Russell Simmons Responds to Sexual-Assault Allegation: ‘I Can Sleep at Night Because I Know Who I Am’
“I support your healing and will continue to be an honest and imperfect advocate for the voiceless (including animals) and humanity as a whole.”Jude Law Will Reportedly Join Captain Marvel
Imagine the sartorial possibilities of Jude Law in the 1990s.Gossip Girl’s Jessica Szohr Wonders If Ed Westwick’s Accusers Are ‘Stretching the Truth’
“I hope that it’s untrue, but I also feel bad for anyone that’s been in that situation.”Happy Death Day Breaks $100 Million As Horror Continues Its Box-Office Dominance
The suspense genre has proven to be Hollywood’s best investment option in 2017.