Another Emmys has come and gone. Seth Meyers's first time as host moved along at an efficient clip, but the only real standout bit came not from Meyers, but from Billy Eichner. The big musical number? Again, not Meyers — that one went to Weird Al Yankovic. And the biggest laugh of the night was the soap-opera kiss between Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Bryan Cranston. If he hosts again, here's hoping Meyers adds in a little something special for himself. But there was more to the show than the host, of course. Here were the other highs and lows of the ceremony.
Low: So much goddamn diet talk on the red carpet. Most of the blame goes to E!, but also to society. What if next time, no one was asked about her diet? Her post-pregnancy weight loss? How skinny she is? Her body? Jeez Louise. Ask women about acting. That's why they're there!
High: "Best onscreen orgasm in a Civil War reenactment."
Low: Jimmy Kimmel riffing. It was funny, sure, but that's more of a host job — and he had his chance. It just seemed like whipping up a little something at someone else's dinner party.
High: Weird Al's theme songs. The sound design was a little wonky — Weird Al didn't quite sound big enough — but the jokes about quivering lips on Scandal were more than worth it.
High: Emmy edition of Billy on the Street. Especially when Billy accosted a woman and said, "You're a lesbian, do you watch Orange Is the New Black?" "I do, but I'm not a lesbian," the woman cheerfully replied. Everyone gets a dollar.
Low: Modern Family. No. Come on.
High: Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Bryan Cranston kissing. They planted the seed a few segments earlier, with JLD "forgetting" Cranston was on Seinfeld. Good thing she won — the payoff came with a major smooch.
Low: So many industry jokes. None of the rest of us care about your agents.
High: Woody Harrelson's McConaughey impression. The rest of their bit sort of dragged, but it's fun to see two stars ragging on each other. (Extra high for Harrelson acknowledging True Detective's recent plagiarism scuttlebutt.)
Low: Gwen Stefani not knowing how to pronounce "The Colbert Report." Lemons into lemonade style, though, Colbert whispering his speech to Jimmy Fallon was terrific.
Low: Sofia Vergara spinning on a pedestal. Come to Hollywood, where you, too, can be objectified, no matter how many Emmys your show is nominated for — you're just here to be a body. Ugh, this shit has got to stop.
High: I mean, low, certainly, but Billy Crystal's speech about Robin Williams was personal, moving, and elegantly crafted. "Robin Williams. What a concept." Oof.
High: A final hurrah for Breaking Bad. Best drama, lead actor, supporting actor, supporting actress, and writing — not too shabby.
High: Sarah Silverman. Particularly on the red carpet, but her "molecules hurtling through space" speech was solid, too.
Low: Orange Is the New Black went home empty-handed. That cannot possibly be right. (Uzo Aduba won a guest-actress award at the Creative Arts Emmys, though.)
Low: Those weird chimes that played during people's walk-to-the-stage music. Those chimes were hideous, like a ring tone gone evil. My ears will never be free of the ghost of those chimes.
Most Watched on Vulture
Most Viewed Stories
FEC Document Reveals Trump Hired Actors to Attend Campaign Launch Event
SNL Writer Katie Rich Suspended for Barron Trump Tweet
Steve Buscemi Approves of Man’s ‘Shut the Fuck Up, Donny’ Women’s March Sign
The Affair Recap: Man in the Mirror
Stacey Dash’s Contract Was Not Renewed by Fox News
Revisiting Eminem’s ‘White America,’ 15 Years Later
Alec Baldwin Will Host SNL for a Record-Breaking 17th Time; Nobody Tell Donald Trump
Scientology Official Allegedly Told John Travolta Not to Do Pulp Fiction
Brit Marling’s Impossible Dream
Archie’s Long, Dark Journey to Riverdale
Latest News from VultureThe Daily Show's Desi Lydic Breaks Down the Trump Administration's Recent ‘Alternative Facts’
Maybe professional poker isn't for you, Kellyanne Conway.Cate Blanchett Has Emotions on Tonight Show, Many About Donald Trump
Jimmy Fallon subtly dodged his guest's anti-Trump sentimentsThe Bachelor Recap: A Plethora of Issues
It's time to talk about Corinne. Is she really a villain?Triumph The Insult Comic Dog Roasts The Good-Natured Attendees of Trump's Inaguration
Man, why can these people take a joke?Ben Schwartz & Noel Wells Set to Star in Netflix Rom-Com Happy Anniversary
Lego Batman writer Jared Stern set to direct.Peter Dinklage's Surprising Take on Acting in Game of Thrones Versus an Indie Movie
He did note the difference in salary.Jane the Virgin Recap: Let It Bee
Michael should never, ever be a stand-up comic.America's Next Top Model Recap: Shake Ya Body, Body
In grand ANTM tradition, it's time for the girls to make a music video.Let Migos Serenade You To Sleep By Rapping Llama Llama Red Pajama Over the ‘Bad and Boujee’ Beat
Your new favorite lullaby.Seth Meyers Takes a Closer Looks at Donald Trump's Inauguration, 'Alternative Facts,' and the Women's March
"More like an ugh-uration."
Are there too many narrative threads on this show?Salma Hayek Has No Tolerance for the Word 'Tolerance'
She thinks we're using the wrong word.Nick Offerman's Solution to Toxic Masculinity in Trump's America
"I get accused of masculinity a lot more than I mention it myself ..."There's An Every Which Way But Loose Remake in the Works, so How Can You Lure Clint Eastwood Back to Acting?
Excellent news for young, up-and-coming orangutans.Alan Cumming Stars in Killer Instinct Pilot from James Patterson Picked Up by CBS
Killer Instinct is based on a forthcoming James Peterson novel.Vanderpump Rules Recap: Roast Beast
Presented without comment: Tom and Ariana have a "braid guy."The Young Pope Recap: Lady Madonna
We get it, Young Pope. You're hot.Shia LaBeouf Shouts a Racist Troll Off His Anti-Trump Livestream Exhibit
At the actor's Museum of the Moving Image installation.Seth Meyers, Mike O'Brien & Lorne Michaels Are Bringing Their SNL Chops to a Pilot for NBC
The comedy series involves a revenge-obsessed high school teacher.Father John Misty's Music Video for 'Pure Comedy' Features Donald Trump, John Cena and Some Saucy Cartoons
Life is an absurd spectacle that not even cute animals can save us from.