And the Winner of Our Wonder Years Haiku Contest Is ...

THE WONDER YEARS - Pilot - Season One - 1/31/88 Pre-teen Kevin Arnold (played by Fred Savage, bottom right) learned about life and love growing up in suburban America in the late 1960s. Pictured, from left: Jason Hervey (brother, Wayne), Dan Lauria (father, Jack), Olivia d'Abo (sister, Karen) and Alley Mills (mother, Norma). Photo: ABC Photo Archives/Getty Images

On Wednesday, we asked our readers to craft haikus about The Wonder Years for a chance to win a tricked-out DVD set of the 1988-93 TV show, due to be released in October. We received nearly 100 submissions, both in the comments section and on Facebook, many of which played off the hoary, Josh Saviano–denying rumor that the actor who played Paul went on to become Marilyn Manson. Others involved turns of phrase like “sweet Winnie smooches” and “boner,” while a few entries were used to scoff at the very notion of DVDs in this day and age. (Does your newfangled illegal torrent download itself into a metal locker and come with a replica yearbook and Wonder Years magnets, smart guy?) But there could be only one winner.

First, here are the runners-up:

I was stuck with Ben
the inferior Savage
I want the O.G.

I was born too late
to have any nostalgia
for The Wonder Years.

How did the word “scrote”
pass network TV censors
in ninteen-ninety?

We waited so long.
Finally the music rights!
Where’s my credit card?

And here’s the haiku
That wins a DVD set
Of The Wonder Years:

Oh, Winnie Cooper,
I should have suspected then:
I was totes a lez.