"I'm living for your look," I told Diane Keaton last night at the Toronto Film Festival, where she wore a giant black hat and an ivory pantsuit cinched at the waist by a massive black belt. She fixed me with a skeptical glare. "Are you really," she asked, "or were you like, 'Who's this woman with the big fucking hat?'"
Keaton had arrived at a party promoting her new film Ruth & Alex, where she's romantically paired with Morgan Freeman. It's rare to see Freeman in a role where he actually gets to kiss the leading lady, and Keaton took full advantage of it, she told me lustily: "I'll tell you something, it's not bad. Not bad at all!" She gestured to another section of the party, where young women clamored to take their pictures with Freeman. "Just look at him, everybody's swarming him. And I have nobody swarming me."
I mentioned Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer from Broad City, who had recently tweeted to Keaton, asking her to appear on their show. (Keaton tweeted back, asking their permission to kiss Ryan Gosling in an episode.) "I love those girls! They're hilarious," she told me. "But I also like Parks and Recreation. Oh myyyyy God! Parks and Recreation is genius. I love that show, I really do. I watch it every night with my son."
"Well, if you're looking to do an episode of that show, you'd better act fast," I told her.
She crinkled up her face. "Why?"
Reader, I hadn't woken up that day intending to tell Diane Keaton that her favorite show was ending, but who am I to shirk the random tasks that life throws at me? I informed the Oscar winner that Parks and Rec was shooting its last season, and watched her heart break in real time.
"No. No!" Keaton exclaimed. "And they haven't asked me to appear? I'm very upset." In fact, she tasked Vulture with an assignment: "You'd better tell Amy Poehler I'm very unhappy that she hasn't invited me on."
Consider it done, Diane. Amy, it's now your move.