Sam Smith Did Many Things Wrong at Karaoke This Weekend

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This is what Sam Smith posted on Twitter after his show in Nashville Sunday night:

And this is what he posted less than four hours later, believing, apparently, that the publication of a new tweet brushes away one's last, the way a name written in sand is washed away by waves:

This embarrassing fake-illness snafu was just one of many faux pas Smith would commit over the weekend. Like a slightly more hirsute Larry David, Smith refused to abide by the unspoken social rules that underpin civilized society. First, when it was his karaoke partner's turn to sing, Smith stubbornly held the mike at waist level rather than let it get one inch closer to someone who was not Sam Smith's lips:

Then, like a true karaoke villain, Smith performed "***Flawless" without doing the customary hand gestures during the "I woke up like this" part:

Worst of all, Smith sang karaoke at Lonnie's rather than at Santa's Pub, the 100 percent objective best karaoke bar in Nashville. Unforgivable.