After last night’s Sleepy Hollow episode, Ichabod Crane needs to go see a stand-up show to get a dose of “Women be shoppin’.” Even though Ichie’s spent more than a year in the present day, apparently, there was one sort of modern-day monster he’d managed to avoid until now: the psycho hose beast.
Crane’s cavalcade of women begins with Miss Caroline this week, who shows up with no explanation at the very start of the episode (was anyone else startled by that, just a random character appearing out of nowhere in the very first scene?), but who, we soon learn, is a Colonial-era enthusiast who mistakes Crane for one as well. (Although, to be fair, that is technically what he is, albeit an enthusiast with no off-switch.) She made him some new shirts using cloth woven on a heritage loom, so that solves the ever-present, low-grade conundrum of how Crane’s tattered ensemble hasn’t just disintegrated right off his body yet. But it turns out that shedding his clothes is high on Miss Caroline’s agenda, as she admits she finds him “kind of attractive.” Crane tells her that words can’t express how flattered he is. “Then don’t use words,” she shoots back hungrily. Miss Caroline, I do declare!
What Caroline says next, after Crane explains that he’s married, is spot-on and funny: “You live alone, you never talk about her, there’s no photos around.” Truth! One of the many aspects of Crane’s existence that Sleepy Hollow often glosses over is just how preposterous his existence is. Not just the centuries-old garb, but the play-acting detective and the lack of I.D. (as Sheriff Reyes astutely noted a couple episodes ago) and the relatively low profile he’s somehow able to maintain parading around town. Every time the show ventures down this slippery slope, it immediately makes for one of the funnier and/or juicier moments of any episode. In fact, this particular scene takes on a slight Three’s Company vibe when Abbie shows up and reacts to Caroline’s assumption that she’s Crane’s wife by deadpanning, “Mrs. who, now?” More of this, please.
Speaking of “more of this,” what came next outright stunned me: Katrina doing witchcraft! Katrina gets a raven (or crow?) to deliver a message to Crane, imploring the bird to “find my love,” which is the first time I can recall getting a whiff of Princess Bride fairy-tale-ness from this show. Soon after, we get what I believe is our first-ever explanation for why Katrina hasn’t tried to do her witchcraft prior to this, because Parrish put some sort of anti-witchery force field around the house where Abraham is keeping her. Why weren’t we allowed to know that sooner? When Abraham points out to Parrish that he thinks Katrina is casting spells anyway, Parrish replies that, “If she’s still causing trouble, we can use the binding ritual,” and there’s a flashback to a few episodes ago, where Parrish and Abraham were about to do just that, but then Ben Franklin’s Kindred monster interrupted things. I’d rather not be reminded of how the plot of Sleepy Hollow often lurches along in fits and starts, but fine.
Parrish then tries to find some personal effect belonging to Katrina that he can use to eat, and therefore discover, her sins. He finds her name written in a copy of Gulliver’s Travels and conjures up an image of a lady dressed in black holding an umbrella. Then we cut to the two teenagers not-really-making-out in a car, who then see the same figure. We will later find out that this is Mary Wells, but in the meantime, this not-knowing was kinda fun for me. Often the show telecasts its plotlines a million miles in advance, so yay for well-done foreshadowing!
Now let’s talk about Abbie. Is Abbie just being Abbie, or is Abbie throwing major shade at the other women in Crane’s life when she says dismissive things like, “That girl had a case of Crane on the brain,” and, “Just send her a text” (both re: Caroline), or “Look, she chose to stay with the Horseman, Crane” (that one said re: Katrina). More important, does anyone else feel like Abbie has been a tad grumpier than her usual stoic self as of late?
If that’s the case — and especially if the root cause of Abbie’s soured demeanor is due to a growing desire for Crane, which I realize is totally speculation at this point, but it’s fun, so let’s go there — then Abbie must be very happy with how things turned out between Crane and Katrina this week. Oooooh, drama! I hope you all loved the fight between these two as much as I did. It was so satisfying in the moment, and such a pitch-perfect example of a husband and wife engaged in an impossible argument — impossible because there’s just no way for them to see eye to eye on what the morally proper stance in their disagreement should be. Katrina believes sparing Crane’s feelings after Mary’s unfortunate and accidental death should of course be her top priority; Crane can’t comprehend a choice being made in that circumstance that doesn’t put honesty above all.
This fight was one of the highlights of the season, a grappling that involved deeply felt emotions and that challenged core aspects of our star-crossed lovers’ individual (and, shockingly, way different) belief systems. It was more tense than jousting with a Kindred or battling a pied piper could ever be. So, once again, I’m going to make a request for more of this, please!
Were we supposed to infer that Hawley and Jenny have hooked up before?
“Oh, look, she comes bearing a selection of delicacies from the Far East.”
Crane’s definition of a text: “A missive composed by thumb.”
Crane’s definition of an emoji: “A lemon caricature.”
Crane’s definition of a lovers’ lane: “I had them in my day. A route on which a young man could walk hand in hand with a woman — closely followed by their parents, of course.”