The Best Answers From Chris Rock’s AMA

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Chris Rock. Photo: Ben Hider/Getty Images

To plug his new movie Top Five, Chris Rock took a trip to Reddit to field questions for a mostly predictable but still gem-filled AMA session on Tuesday. The actor used lots of italics and exclamation points to illustrate his thoughts, which somehow managed to deal with everything from midgets to SNL to Chris Tucker. For those who missed it, here are some of the highlights:

Regrets — what do you wish you'd stayed with?

"Meet the Parents." There was NO De Niro at the time! There you go!

What's the deal between Buress and Cosby?

I don't know. I mean, I think Hannibal thought he was doing a joke to the people in the room? I don't think he thought all of this would happen.

Strangest fan interaction?

I remember a midget girl hit on me one night.
She came up to me, at a club, I forget what city - it was getting late - and she asked what hotel I was staying at, and I said I was married, and she said "Can't blame a bitch for trying!"
That
 was funny.

Apparently, this happened:

Someone asked if I still hang out with Jackie Chan: Oh boy!
Okay.
That's Chris Tucker. I'm Chris Rock.
BUT... you know... sneezes I never hung out with Jackie Chan. I'm a big fan of the Rush Hour movies, and me and Chris Tucker get confused with each other all the time, and it's the first thing we talk about when we bump into each other.
You should watch TOP FIVE
A) To apologize for mistaking me for Chris Tucker
and
B) Even if you don't like me, you probably like Kevin Hart, Adam Sandler or Jerry Seinfeld.

What happened to the music stuff?

I wouldn't mind doing more music stuff. I did a sketch with Kanye on the Beautiful Twisted Fantasy album. I guess that was the last time I did anything musical. But yeah, I would love to. Haven't done an album in a while because no one's buying albums anymore.

His influences for Top Five:

I'm a big Woody Allen fan. I'm a big Alexander Payne fan, Paul Thomas Anderson... Soderbergh... but probably Woody more than anybody. People are calling TOP FIVE "Woody-ish" but if you're not stealing from Woody, you're not doing anything, you know? If you're not stealing from the Beatles, you're not making music!
And I liked it, but it takes me away from my kids for long periods of time. I'd do it sporadically, but I don't know if I'll do it anytime soon.

Do people ever rehash his material in inappropriate places?

I get it a lot? I get it a lot with sex stuff. I've had like, you know, taking my kids to school and other kids' moms tell me their favorite positions and stuff, just telling me very inappropriate sex things. It can be a little like "Whoaaaa, okay."

Chris Farley's reset button:

I don't have any Chris Farley pooping out of windows stories.
I have a couple "vomiting out of window stories" but no "pooping out of windows" stories.
Chris was known to vomit, from time-to-time, and the great thing 'bout it was, he'd be messed up before he vomited and then as soon as he vomited... he'd be back to normal. It was kind of a "reset" button. "OH, Chris is back!"

This is not referring to the pizza toppings, just FYI:

My favorite breakfast food?
I really just like a bowl of pineapple, to tell you the truth.
I just like some fruit in the morning.
Some pineapple and a side of bacon.

Chris Tucker vs. Chris Rock — who wins?

Let's see, me and Chris Tucker. He would win, he outweighs me by about 40 pounds, I guess.
It's not really a Vegas fight, probably Mississippi somewhere, with a riverboat casino. It would probably cost you about $30 to be there. Neither one of us are fighters. But he would win.

Favorite comedian of all time?

My favorite comedian of all-time is probably Richard Pryor. He's the most raw, he's the most honest, and he's the funniest.
My favorite NEW comedian? I don't know how new he is, but every time I see Jim Gaffigan, I laugh and laugh. I love seeing him on TV, hearing him on comedy radio stations, guy just makes me laugh.

Someone asked him that island-and-choose-three-things question:

Let's see.
I guess an iPod. Not even an iPod, an iPad, because you get music AND a book, so you can read!
I already said how much I love pineapple, that'd be a good food.
And I don't know. This is a fantasy right? Whoever the funny supermodel is. Kate Upton with a sense of humor.

Do not quit your day job, Chris.

How would i survive a zombie apocalypse?
I don't know. I would probably disguise myself as a zombie, and start killing zombies. I would be a predator mega-zombie. Yeah, that's it.

Which SNL member was the smartest?

The smartest SNL cast member was Adam Sandler, by far.
People are going to know this - when I got hired, Adam was hired as a writer, he wasn't even hired as a cast member. And he was smart enough to write stuff for other people AND write stuff for himself at the same time. Made himself indispensable. Made himself into a star. Smartest guy I know.

What would he do outside comedy?

If I didn't go into comedy, I'd probably work at UPS or Fedex. I'd be the funny Fedex guy. But that would be what I'd be doing, probably.

Naturally, someone asked for his top-five list of rappers.

My Top Five changes pretty much every day. But Jay-Z is pretty much always number one.

Favorite skit and compatriot from SNL:

My favorite skit to do was "Nat X." It was a fun character, just straight to camera, really good hard jokes, a costume - everything you need in a good SNL sketch.
The most fun to work with was David Spade. He was my best friend on the show, he's still my best friend off the show, and we'd work and go to McDonald's. Mickey D's!

Best pizza?

My favorite pizza is Romo Pizza in Park Slope, Brooklyn on 7th Avenue. Pretty good.