A day trip to check out go-karting turns into a competitive sisterly obsession, as Tina and Louise become hell-bent on winning the Kingshead Island Grand Prix (Gene is more interested in flag-waving, a.k.a. something called Gussing, at the finish line). Over at the diner, Teddy begins pairing his homemade beer with Bob’s burgers, and a divine combination is born. The only problem is Hugo and Ron are onto Bob’s new speakeasy-diner idea. The solutions to the Belchers' problems: bread and compassion. Also, wow, there were a lot of returning supporting characters in this episode, and it was a real treat.
At the wharf, the Belcher kids' lives were flipped upside-down when they were introduced to the wonderfully twisted world of competitive beach-town go-kart racing.
Tina: Mom and Dad might not recognize us when we get back from go-karting because our hair will be like this!
Louise: And our faces will be like this!
Gene: And our penises will be like this! You can’t see what I’m doing, but it’s pretty great.
[+1 point to Gene for shameless self-expression and a very special hidden talent. Side note: The guy at the kiosk, as well as his website, was too good to be true.]
Despite some difficulty with driving in the past, Tina dove right into the action, exclaiming her interest in putting the pedal to the metal and getting behind the wheel of her own destiny:
Tina: They’re fast and I’m curious!
[+1 to Tina for being bold, brave, and interested.]
The kids re-met Bryce from Kingshead Island, but he didn't remember them because he's kind of a
big deal richy-rich douchebag. But he is the kind of richy-rich douchebag who will always make bad jokes that are so bad they're funny, compliment himself, and never run out of snacks to throw at people. So he's kind of a gem:
Bryce: Too bad you won’t be joining the league. It would’ve been fun chucking raisins at you as I breeze by.
Louise: Oh my God, I hate him!
Gene: Hard to hate a guy who gives you raisins.
[+1 to Gene for finding the silver lining and for always rooting out the best in people, even his adversaries; +1 to Bryce because oh boy, this was just the beginning — the raisin amuse-douche, if you will.]
At the restaurant, Teddy's bucket-brewed brewski was a hit. Bob was a little sketched out, but Linda handled him like the professional Bob-charmer she is:
Bob: Is it safe to drink? It's just that you brewed it in a bucket.
Linda: Of course it's safe. It's alcohol! Aw, so cute, your burgers and his beer are making belly babies.
Linda: We won’t get caught. We’ll run it like a speakeasy. I’ll be like Al Capone with breasts!
[+2 to Linda for dishing out a double helping of inappropriate maternal mental images.]
When the kids were trying to figure out how to get a go-kart to enter the wharf's league with, they ran into an old friend:
Tina: Maybe Mom and Dad would sponsor a go-kart if it was advertising for the restaurant.
Louise: They can’t even sponsor their electric bill; or maybe a sponsorship would work. Hey, Mr. Fischoeder! I missed you! Where you been?
[Said no one ever, Louise, but +1 to her for being cordial, and another +1 for that searing electrical burn.]
Mr. Fischoeder kind of took the kids up on their offer. He at least helped them by supplying them with the most necessary part for their racing dreams — the go-kart, which, in this case, was a bumper cart. We also got a brief glimpse at Owen, a bum, and, apparently, Mr. F's employee of the month.
Gene: Someone’s sleeping back here, Mr. Fish!
Mr. F: That’s our employee lounge. Owen, wake up!
Louise: We’ll give you three bucks for it.
Mr. F: Deal! Unless you want to make it $8 for a second bumper car, plus Owen, whom I will throw in for free.
Gene: What can he do?
Mr. F: Lord knows, it all remains to be seen. He’s a mass of potential.
[+1 to Mr. F for his insane marketing skills, and +5 or something to Owen for being such a boss and showing us it's the little things in life, like sleeping on the job, that are the true rewards.]
Critter and Mudflap, of the One-Eyed Snakes (yes, the people who had their kid at Bob's restaurant in season three), helped the kids rig up their go-kart with "donated parts." The continuity was strong in this episode!
Critter: It's half-bumper-cart, half-go-kart, all balls.
[+1 to Critter for repaying a debt; +1 to Tina for not even trying to play it cool, and for oh-so-subtly embracing that hormonal double-entendre.]
At the track, Bryce killed the Belchers' new cart and buzz:
Bryce: You’re not gonna race against me.
Louise: What are you talking about?
Bryce: I’m in A league. New cars start out in B league. You gotta win your way up to A league.
Louise: Are you kidding me?
Bryce: Nope, I’m seriousing you. I’ll be winning the Kingshead Island Grand Prix when you’re still figuring out which pedal is the gas and which is the brake. And the big round thing in the middle that steers it, that’s your mom! Burn.
[+2 to Bryce for making up a word and, what the heck, for whipping out a "your mom" joke in 2015. RIP, "your mom" jokes.]
Bumped down a notch, the Belchers were willing to work their way to the A league. They weren't, however, set on who was going to drive. Unfortunately for Tina, this meant her troubled driving past was briefly revived:
Tina: That was different. That was dirty driving, this is legal. Go-karting is good, clean fun.
Louise: There’s only one way to settle this.
Tina: Gene’s hairy mole?
Louise: Gene’s hairy mole.
[+1 to Gene for really taking one for the team — because you knew he was going to give up three hairs for nothing, what a hero. +1 to Louise and Tina for letting us relive that legendary parking-lot scene.]
As fate would have it, Tina was relegated to water-girl duty and Louise was crowned driver for Team Belcher:
[+1 to Tina for this necessary hydration snafu.]
Since Gene wasn't able to race either, he checked into a new passion. Flag-waving, a.k.a. Gussing:
Gus: Pretty good, kid. But can you Gus?
Gene: Whoa, it’s beautiful. Why’s it called Gus?
Gus: It’s named after me. My name is Gus. A lot of people think Gus comes from the wrist; it doesn’t. It comes from in here.
Gene: Your flask.
Gus: Yes, and your heart.
[+1 to Gus, who is also the weird guy from the "Seaplane!" episode, just here he's changed his getup and decided not to talk about pilots landing things with their penises; +1 to Gene for branching out.]
Obviously Hugo the health inspector's Bob senses were tingling in this episode, because breaking sanitation restrictions is no fun unless Hugo's involved. Bob covered up the speakeasy operation by turning it into a fake bread-making operation, which he then would have to actually create:
Hugo: If I find out you are selling bacteria beer, you’re going to get the triple smackdown. Smack one: I shut you down. Smack two: Beer and wine license, a-gone! Smack three: Tell him, Ron.
Hugo: You rot in hell, Bob! Let’s go, Ron, and I’ll be back to try that bread, Bob.
Bob: Great, because it’s gonna be here, Hugo.
Hugo: Great, I’ll bring my ... bread mouth!
[+1 to Hugo for the most Hugo dis ever.]
Gus and Gene continued to bond throughout the episode:
Gene: Flutter, flutter, flutter, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, and snap it off!
Gus: Hell of a snap-off, Gene!
Gene: Yeah, but my shimmy was shabby.
[+1 to Gene for practicing till perfect.]
And then we met the greatest richy-rich douchebag this show has ever shown, Sasha:
Sasha: I saw you drive that monstrosity the other day. It was impressive. Wanna take a little walk-and-talk? I have a proposition for you.
Tina: I’m taken. Well, it’s complicated.
Sasha: Honey, if I was hitting on you, you’d know because you’d be terrified.
Tina: Trust me, you’re hitting on me.
Sasha: Just come with us, please.
[+1 to Tina for Sasha Fiercing Sasha.]
Bryce struck again and again and again. Usually with food, always with bad jokes:
Bryce: Here, I made you this last-place medal. It’s gum. Heh … good one, Bryce.
[+1 to Not-Nice Bryce.]
Louise obviously did not like that Tina joined Sasha and bailed on Team Belcher for her own glory:
Louise: You’re like a Belcherdict Arnold!
Tina: I was Team Belcher’s best driver, but you didn’t care if we won as long as you got to be the driver.
Louise: That’s crazy! You’re crazy. Get out of that jumpsuit, get your water bottle, and get back in the pit!
Tina: I’m never going back to the pit, unless the pit is a cool diner where teens hang out.
[+1 to Louise for the great historical pun; +1 to Tina for dreaming up the Pit, which sounds like it would be an incredible Bob's Burgers spin-off.]
Tina got used to her new go-kart by using her Tina charm:
Tina: Hello, you feel different than the bumper cart. I must feel different than your old driver, because I have a girl butt, or so I’m told. I’m Tina, by the way.
[+1 to Tina for taking charge and redefining how the game is played.]
Back home, tensions between the sisters turned rivals were getting real rough:
Louise: Tina, can you pass me a napkin and try not to betray it?
Tina: Louise, please pass the pepper, and try not to crash it into the salt?
[+1 to Tina and Louise for their super-necessary veiled digs.]
Hugo came to check out the buns at the restaurant, and Gretchen (a.k.a. the best) almost blew Bob's cover.
Gretchen: Hey, Bob, that bun doesn’t look like this bun, Bob. You tryin to screw me? I want the fresh-baked buns. I want the fresh-baked buns.
[+1 to Gretch; also, this show seriously does deadpan better than any other.]
When it was time for the Kingshead Island Grand Prix, Bob and Linda had a picnic trackside with Critter. The buns' quality was brought into question, as Critter ditched his food ASAP:
Bob: You kinda threw it.
Critter: Oh, yeah.
Bob: Right, so it didn’t get away from you, you threw it.
Critter: No, it’s bad, I was trying to spare your feelings. But if you wanna address it, it’s not very good bread, yeah.
Bob: No, I get it. I guess I got it right away, I just thought … forget it.
Critter: Yeah, unnecessary little confrontation there.
[+1 to Critter for bucking the white lie and letting Bob know he should stick to what he's good at.]
Gene's time to shine came sooner than he might've expected. But not soon enough for us:
Gus: Gene, you’ve been oddly enthusiastic about flag-waving these last couple weeks. I thought you were just messing with me, but you were serious.
Gene: Very serious.
Gus: Then, well, there’s something I want to ask you.
Gene: Oh my God! You’re dying! I’ll take over for you.
Gus: No, I’m not dying.
Gene: For now.
Gus: I’m not dying.
Gus: I was gonna ask you if you wanted to flap your first Grand Prix.
Gene: I would be honored! I’ll wave your flag, Gus, but I’ll never replace you.
Gus: Right, I know. Just to clarify: It’s only one race.
Gene: We’ll see!
[+1 to Gene for enthusiasm, even if it was slightly morbid.]
Bryce had one last high-class food dis in him:
Bryce: You here, me no like, pasta salad on your cart!
[+1 more to Not-Nice Bryce.]
The race was, naturally, a spectacle. And if you didn't think Tina was going to absolutely wreck Bryce, well, she had a treat for you:
Tina: So long, Bryce, I cartly knew you.
[+1 to Tina for the clutch move and pun.]
Gene Gussed his heart out:
[+2 to Gene. Inspirational.]
Spoiler Alert: Tina was the best big sister ever. Wait, never mind, you probably already knew that. The sisters claimed honor for their family, in true sister fashion, after Tina helped Louise cross the finish line in her beat-up bumper cart, not only taking home the trophy but also making everything right once more in the Belcher household.
Louise: Tina, Tina, you’re driving in your sleep again.
Tina: Oh, sorry.
Louise: Yeah, I know it’s like we both won. But maybe we both don’t need to sleep with the trophy. Okay, one more night.
Tina: Okay, one more week.
[+10 to Tina for being a woman for others.]
Tina, for the puns, the double entendres, and the sacrifices.
Bob's Bonus Sliders
- Gus is kind of a weird guy, huh?
- Sasha, Louise might be more your speed. I think Tina is too much woman for you. And Tina, keep your eyes on the prize.
- I've never been more hungry watching an episode of Bob's Burgers, between Bryce's snack-disses and Teddy's burger-brew combo.
- What ever happened to Owen?
- Critter and Mudflap's baby is pretty cute. Also grows super-fast.