With the Oscars just about upon us, it’s time for everyone — nominees and plebes alike — to prepare an Oscar acceptance speech. The best speeches are personal, maybe a little (but not too) emotional, grateful, humble, and concise. Funny is nice but not mandatory. Anecdotes are good, family lore is better, and while no one wants to hear you thank your “team” of agents and managers, you probably should anyway. Thus, we present to you our Oscar Acceptance-Speech Generator: Pick a category, put in a few key terms, and voilà! You’re ready for your big moment. Just be careful walking up those stairs.