Well, it happened. (And no, for once, I’m not talking about #Steroline.) Tonight we said good-bye to two beloved characters in tragic and unexpected ways. Somewhere out there, right now, Damon Salvatore is giving a (probably dirty) eulogy for Lizzie Forbes: sheriff, mother, and friend. And so tonight, here’s mine:
Everyone’s flashbacks are about Elena, including Sheriff Forbes’s. I’m beginning to flashback to her, too (you know it’s serious if she has straight hair). Minus 10.
“But I do recall the 4 months he faked his own death.” Here’s one argument against the proliferation of the vampire species: Except for Stefan and that vampire who was friends with Rose in season two, would any of them actually go to school, learn things, and be productive members of society? Probs not. Plus 20, because maybe that sounds fun.
Elena and Damon play parents. My god, what did Jeremy do to deserve this kind of legal guardianship? Minus 8.
Damon scored Jeremy some "extracurricular activities." Plus 30.
Fact: Reaching into your BFF’s pocket to get their phone is never this drawn out or awkward. Unless you’re Caroline Forbes and Stefan Salvatore, who should have kissed TEN YEARS AGO (Mystic Falls Standard Time) by now. Minus 15.
“This one was me. Me. And me. Ooh, this one was Stefan. Nope… me.” All of the cold cases in Mystic Falls, solved. It’s funny when Damon kills people? No points.
The glaring implausibility of having a voice mail from years ago saved on your (probably by now nonexistent) answering machine is one I am willing to overlook, because this story line is interesting. No points, not noted.
Elena is the judgiest. She’s snapped hella necks and guzzles blood like it’s kombucha, and she’s judging Jeremy for a measly old joint? Get out of town. (No really, Little Gilbert, get the F out of town before someone kills you.) Plus 10, because eventually she gets involved.
That camera panning up Paul Wesley’s body was the second-best thing to happen to me all day. Plus 100.
“Princess-sized tantrum.” I’m about to throw one of these if these longing stares don’t turn into full-on lip-sucking action pretty soon. Minus 16.
Ah, bonding over the number of totaled cars and near-death experiences. The humanity of siblinghood. Plus 20.
Only Elena would ignore a dying woman’s phone call. Minus 12.
Matt, that is Stefan’s basically daughter, stop lusting after her! (Oh, wait, he hasn’t gotten any since Rebekah. Okay, fine, I’ll allow it.) Plus 16.
Enzo’s (boring) revenge quest is making me miss Kai. Idea: can we put Enzo where Bonnie is and bring her back? Then she and Kai could have a thing! And Enzo would be gone! I’m all about solutions these days. Let’s just keep it moving. Minus 6.
“I just don’t want to be held responsible for ruining her last literary experience.” “I’m happy to take that responsibility.” Sounded like an invitation to bed to me. Books are sexy, guys. Plus 100.
Elena and Damon’s smooch in the Sheriff’s office was cute, but can she get her memories back already? Minus 25.
“That was the last time we spoke. Fighting through a door.” On a show where rarely does someone disappear forever, it’s nice to be reminded never to take the moments we have with one another for granted. This episode really drove home that sometimes (rarely) death is permanent. Plus 30.
Some other stuff happened after this, but none of it was as important (sorry Matt getting hit by a car and being force-fed vampire blood) as the following:
“Life isn’t about your final moments. It’s about the moments that led up to them.”
STEFAN HOLDS CAROLINE’S HAND.
(THE STEFAN SALVATORE HAIR SWOOP, PATENTED IN 1864)
“I think we both know I never really hated you.”
And then … the sunlight winking between them. The lean-in. THE. KISS.
Best Instagram of all time, amirite?
It'a perfect. And it's even more perfect when neither of them know exactly what to say afterward. Because that’s how love is: You don’t know what you want until it’s finally right there in front of you, and then once you have it … the possibilities are almost overwhelming.
I’m excited for these two. It’s time. The official beginning of Steroline! Probably! Maybe not! Plus 100.
Elsewhere, the Sheriff realizes that the accident that killed Elena’s parents was simply that: an accident. Jeremy’s mom catches him smoking pot and wanted to scare him (hence the voice mail message on her machine), the storm had canceled their weekend plans (hence the trunk full of luggage) and closed Old Miller Road because of a downed telephone line. A series of completely normal events that lead to a senseless accident — TVD tackling death this way is some of the best work I’ve seen on the series.
For Sheriff Forbes, there are no more cases left to solve. No more animal attacks. Which means she needs to find peace with herself. I can’t give points, because I’m just too heartbroken.
“She was meant to be extraordinary.” And yet, even in the face of her own senseless death, Liz still believes that Caroline was meant for more. Of all the relationships on TVD, theirs might be the biggest evolution of all. Don’t we all wish for the parent who accepts us unfailingly ... and to become the child we know they’ve always known we could be? Plus 27.
Art school, fart school! Jeremy’s off to hunt vampires, and in cahoots with Alaric, is hiding it from Elena. Plus 8.
Remember John Gilbert (RIP) telling Jeremy that one day he’d share the Gilbert legacy with him? I have a feeling he would be proud. I however, am nervous. Be safe, Little Gilbert. There are monsters everywhere. Plus 50 for your biceps and for always making us feel a little warm inside when you hugged people.
“I don’t remember the last thing I said to her.” (I do. It was “I love you.”) Plus 100, but Minus 300 because I’m so sad.
Caroline doesn't make it in time to say good-bye to her mom, but with Stefan’s help, she's with her during her final moments.
“I’m not ready yet!”
“Yes, you are.”
As Sheriff Forbes gently lets go of Young Caroline’s first bike ride without training wheels, we let go of the last bit of innocence these character’s had left. Such a beautiful scene, with great work by Marguerite McIntire and Candice Accola. Plus 40.
I’m so torn, I can’t even count our tally. How can I be so happy for Stefan and Caroline finally getting together only to have my heart ripped out by Sheriff Forbes’s death? I’ll probably replay that kiss scene over and over to make myself feel better — until next week, if you want to join me, I’ll be on Twitter.