In case you hadn’t heard, McDonald’s is having a bit of an identity crisis. It can’t quite figure out how to sell fast food to millennials addicted to kale, quinoa, and SoulCycle. It’s so desperate, it’s even revived the Hamburglar as a sexy dude. And because Ronald McDonald is still too pervy-looking to be luring kids in with Happy Meals, the company has turned to a slightly less-pervy spokesperson to jumpstart business: James Franco! Dave Franco’s older brother wrote an essay for the Washington Post about how much he loves McDonald’s for giving him a job when he was a struggling nobody in Hollywood. (“I was definitely not too good to work at McDonald’s,” he explains, patting himself on the back.) He spends most of the essay gushing about what a great place McDonald’s is to work, but Franco being Franco, he also sprinkles in a few colorful anecdotes relatable to anyone who’s ever had to ask if you want fries with that:
“I hate to whistleblow, but everyone ate straight from the fry hopper. You’d walk by and snag a fry and pop it in your mouth. So easy. I also put tons of salt on the fries because that’s how I like them. I don’t know if the customers ever complained.
After a month, they allowed me to work the front counter during the day. Parents ordering for their children are the worst, and parents ordering for a group of children, like a sports team, are the devil incarnate. Some customers seem to think that paying for food entitles them to boss the service workers around, but if you’re buying fast food, how much entitlement does that buy you? When you’re paying a dollar for a burger, is it the end of the world if I accidentally forgot to take the mustard off the order?”
And then there’s this gem: “I got hit on by the hamburger cooker. He wanted to hook up in the bathroom, but he didn’t speak English, so he had someone translate for him.” Franco, of course, ends his essay reminding people that they probably shouldn’t trust the meat there, that even he only eats there “while on a road trip or out in the middle of nowhere for a movie,” but, McDonald’s, what a place!