Here Are the Best Answers From Aziz Ansari’s Reddit AMA

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Aziz Ansari. Photo: Astrid Stawiarz/Getty Images

Aziz Ansari really wants you to buy his new book, Modern Romance, so he did the only reasonable thing there was to do and participated this weekend in a heavily anecdotal Reddit AMA session. There was lots to talk about, including dating, little Aziz, his new Netflix show, pasta, his cousin, his dad, and Parks and Recreation (RIP). Unfortunately, the online powwow was cut a little short, but Ansari didn't disappoint. Here are some of his best AMA gems:

Will we ever get to see the cut scene of his dad that was supposed to be in Parks and Rec?

Never filmed it! They changed the script. He's in my new show a SHIT TON though. He's in 3 episodes and he's great.

This is the craziest thing that ever happened to him in school (because he was apparently a very, very quiet kid):

I fell from a swing when I was a little kid cause some bigger kid named Forrest was pushing me too hard. He had me going way too high and the chains got loose and I fell, and I landed on my head really hard. Forrest came up and said, "Are you okay?" and I said, "WHAT DO YOU THINK ASSHOLE?" But it wasn't Forrest, it was a nice teacher named Mrs. O'Tuel. Cause I was a kid, I was dumb, and never even cleared that up with her. Oh well.

What's the best convo he's seen/read off someone else's phone during a set (he likes doing this)?

Once this girl had a convo that had her really booty calling a dude late night saying all this sexual stuff, but her icon was Channing Tatum, so it made it really hilarious to see on her phone. It looked like Channing Tatum was texting and saying "When are you going to come over and feel my titties."

If you met your significant other on a dating service and feel kind of embarrassed, he has your back:

This is in the book man! Check it.

What was it like to be carried by Nick Offerman?

For some reason, Nick carrying me was a fun go to. I miss him and being in his arms very much. If you're into that, in my new show, Eric Wareheim (Arnold) lifts me up a lot.

This is Aziz's go-to slow-jam song:

Mario - Let Me Love You

Favorite story from Parks and Rec (a.k.a. best true Jerry moment):

One time we had Panera Bread Co for lunch and I was curious why of all the places someone chose Panera. It was Jim O'Heir aka Jerry. He kept begging for Panera even though the rest of the cast did not want it. They got the Panera for him. He ended up wrapping early that day and didn't get to eat it.

What's the craziest thing that's happened during his stand-up?

One time at some old theatre somewhere I was holding a dude's phone to read his text messages and it slipped from my hand and fell through a crack in the floor and went into some deep, deep basement and broke. (I bought him a new phone).

If you see Aziz on the street, don't hit him with a deep cut:

This happens a lot. Sometimes people say random things to me on the street, that are kind of obscure Aziz references, and I have no idea why they said it.

Example: Stranger: "Hey off to go sell baby tuxedos?" Me: "Huh?" Stranger: "I said, are you off to go sell baby tuxedos!?" Me: "No...?" Stranger: "Dude you said that in Parks and Rec." Me: "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I forgot."

Stranger walks off confused and disappointed.

What superhero would he (and his P and R co-stars) play?

I want to play Bishop in the X-Men. I just love how frustrated he gets in the Fox X-Men Animated Series when he ends up in the wrong time. ... Ok, here we go: Adam Scott as Gambit... Nick Offerman as Wolverine.... Retta as Storm... I'll let you guys take the rest.

What's he most pumped about regarding his new show?

My dad plays my dad and he's pretty amazing.

How's his cousin Harris doing?

Harris is good, much older now. He's also JACKED. He got really into the Indian dude gym scene (this is a thing for real).

If a building with Amy Poehler, Chris Pratt, and Lil Sebastian was burning and he only had time to save one of them, which one would he save?

Easy. I'd go in to try to save them all but realize I couldn't, and then Lil Sebastian would save us all.

What's the deal with his book? Also, how do you tell if someone's playing games with you?

Well, one thing I wanted to do with this book was not make it a "how to get laid" book for guys or a "this how you lock a man down" book for women. It's really trying to go for more of an attitude of - this is what EVERYONE is sort of dealing with. As far as how to decide when it's game playing or not, I feel at a certain extent you just call it a loss and move on OR do that thing I know some people do where they just try to be honest and find out what's really going on. Side note: I'm going to eat pizza later and I can't wait to eat it.

Words of wisdom. You can catch the whole AMA here.