Uwe Boll Flips Out When No One Wants to Fund His New Dumb Bad Movie

It took seven years, but the internet finally got Uwe Boll to quit — sort of. Turns out, all we had to do was wait for Kickstarter to be invented, and then use it to not fund Boll’s latest film. The German filmmaker had been trying to Kickstart a sequel to his 2009 film Rampage, but after raising a fraction of what he was asking for, Boll released two YouTube rants swearing off crowdfunding for good. “Basically, my message is ‘fuck yourself,’” he told the “retarded amateur idiots” who run sites like Kickstarter. “For me, crowdfunding is absolutely dead.” Instead, the German filmmaker swore, in his own inimitable way, to secure international funding. “I’ll find another Chinese Alibaba idiot,” he promised, “who wants to see his fucking yacht in Cannes to fuck supermodels.” Either that, or he’ll ease into an undoubtedly relaxing retirement: “I have enough money to play golf until I’m dead.”