You’re Finally Going to Learn What Christian’s Inner Goddess Was Doing During Fifty Shades of Grey

He's back. Photo: Chuck Zlotnick/Universal Pictures

There are two sides to every story and every spanking paddle, so E.L. James, the author of Fifty Shades of Grey, has announced a new version of the first installment in her series, written from the perspective of sexual narcissist Christian Grey; naturally,  it'll be released on his birthday, June 18. Grey, she writes on its first page, is "dedicated to those readers who asked ... and asked ... and asked ... and asked for this." And all we're asking for is that its audio book be recorded by Linda Belcher